In the Aftermath....

Hey all Bollybuffs out there..Ever wondered what our beloved hero heroines talk about after a hot lovemaking scene.(If there is a such scene)....Well it all depends on the film maker as you shall see.

Here It Goes...

Mahesh Bhatt film

Man: Sonia, I remember how as a child, I saw my dad leaving my poor mom for another $lut. I wouldn't let the same happen to our kids

Woman: Oh Kabir, for raising kids we need money Let us figure out how to bump off my impotent husband, so that we have all his wealth.

Sooraj Barjatya film:

Woman: Now that we are united as one body one soul, I feel so much like a woman, Prem.

Man: Suman, I am so happy, I want to tell everyone: Sunita bhabhi, vinod bhaiya, chachoo, munna, my naukar Manohar, my doggie Tuffi. We should have a grand wedding.

Abbas Mustan movie:

Man: Save your moves for tomorrow darling, Sophia. you have to seduce my bro and throw him down from the roof-top of this building.

Woman: Why dont we toast to that, Ranvir? I will get something to drink(thinks 'to ur death')

Madhur Bhandarkar film:

Woman: Sir, now will I get partnership in your company?

Man: Yes, why not, Meghna? I already have you as a sleeping partner.

Raj Kumar Santoshi film:

Man: The whole system is a problem, Varsha. I need to change the entire system now.

Woman: Yes, Ajay. Only the naked and hungry people like us realize the importance of change!

Rakesh Roshan film:

Woman: Oh that was so good, my dear Rohit. I feel I am born again

Man: Me too, Sonia..I am reincarnated. I am Raj.

Farhan Akhtar film

Man: Oh Shalini,we have made love after so many years, feels like yesterday

Woman: Yeah Akash, I remember your friends, they were good too!

Sanjay Leela Bhansali film

Woman: Uhhh..wwwww..wuuuuuuu..wwwww...www..

Boy: You may be dumb Michelle, but you play the organ so well.

JP Dutta film

Man: Why did I feel like I was in a battlefield, Kamla?

Woman: Because my dear captain Dharam Veer Singh, there was blood,sweat,grime,abuses and yes, you shot pretty well

Subash Ghai film

Man: Ganga, let me show you our culture-mystical, mesmerzing and musical

Woman: Oh no Arjun, you aren't playing the kamasutra video again, are you?

Ram Gopal Verma film

Man: You are such an animal Swati. You appeared like a woman possessed, some time ago.

Woman: You are right, Vishal. I am a woman possessed.

Karan Johar film

Woman: Dev, All you think about is your family? What about my family?

Man: I have already started working on it Maya, haven't I?

Yash Raj film

Woman: Hmm Rahul.. I want to know if it is really love or are we friends?

Man: Depends, Pooja ..If you kick me back to bed, hop over me and go for a wash, then we are friends, but if you let me go first, then you are in love.

A Love-Hate relationship

The love teenagers share for social networking sites is no secret.Everyone loves to hate Orkut and Facebook.Now,calls for banning them are being made.I've decided that we all are far too addicted to Facebook to let it be banned.Rather,It would be much better just to crib and rant about it.

Reasons I hate Facebook for:

 1.Quizzes:

If there would ever be a reason why the owners of Facebook would have to bow before God and pay for their sins,paving their way into Inferno,it would be the ever so irritating quizzes.To call them only mindless and absolute nonsense would be considered their appraisal.For both the takers as well as the makers,I see no reason to indulge in these quizzes.Takers can for once be spared a thought as we people often(very often)have nothing to do,but don't the makers have a life.I believe that these guys were only born with half a brain and that too removed by extensive surgery,attended schools in Bangladesh and thereafte,read Paris Hilton lyrics and watched Scary Movie to improve upon their intelligence.Everytime you take a quiz,one of your brain cells is extinguished forever.

Some of the most typical facebook quizzes, which are also some of the worst, are as follows:

* What are your chances with Megan Fox? (it always gives a 100% result,Damn It)

* What are the initials of the person who truly loves you? (Usually something impossible like Q. Z.)

* How tall are you going to be? (It tells five footers that they're going to be 6'4" tall, thereby making them very happy.)

* What should your parents have truly named you? (My parents should have named me Xavier Milito.)

* When will you get pregnant? (it tells males that they will get pregnant the next year, strangely.)

2.Tagging

Why this sucks: The first time you are tagged, you might feel a mild interest in knowing that you are 'the sexy one' or 'the drunk one' or 'the handsome one'. However (besides being false), these tags lose their charm after you have been tagged every possible thing in 50 pictures every day. And the pictures get worse and worse - there have been pictures with 20 squares of different colors, and people have been tagged as one square or the other, with no explanation or logic whatsoever. This happens to an extent where you open the 'photos' section of someone you're interested in, and are flabbergasted to see boring tagged pictures instead of a beautiful face.

3.Friend Requests and Profile viewing:

This is dedicated to one of my very special friends and the joy I get reading her Orkut Scraps.The Ohh so immortal Orkut phrase-"I want to frandship with you","Hey beautiful,we can hit it off well.I am very frandly by nature and have all good habbits","Hey!dint relly knw much abt u (in ord wrds xcatly nthin) bt yeah hav herd alot frm ___.Can we be frands"and the like.Facebook with its friend requests being just requests and restricted profile viewing deprives me of the joys of snooping around and checking out beautifuk chicks.

4.Mafia Wars/Farmville :

Mafia Wars is the single most useless pastime known to mankind. For the uninitiated, it is a game on facebook in which you recruit a Mafia (made up of other facebook members), and do various 'jobs' (all by mouse clicks), and you earn points, and level up. That's it - there is no ultimate goal or anything.

It would be OK if facebook just let players of Mafia Wars play by themselves; after all, everyone should have the freedom to do whatever they want. But no, they must thrust it down our throats - half the posts on our wall announce that A has declared war on B, please help him and the other half ask us to please donate an item like a Monkey Statue or Plastic Dagger to person C.

Mafia Wars is closely matched in annoyingness and pointlessness by Farmville, where you - you guessed it - play a farmer and rescue 'lonely little cows' which 'wander into your farm,and also grow rotten tomatoes and stuff.Oh dear!' The only reason why Farmville is not worse than Mafia Wars is because less people play it.

However, both these pointless games serve as a warning - that people are so jobless that they'll keep clicking a mouse with no ultimate aim. Maybe Mafia Wars is a reflection of life itself - which for most people is a collection of tasks with no ultimate aim. 

5.STATUS MESSAGES:

Need I say more???????????/

What will happen after a few more years of facebook domination?

1. Everyone on facebook will become totally brainless, and babies will be the most intelligent beings on earth.

2. Facebook quizzes will be the preferred method of evaluation of children in schools, and facebook quizzes like 'What type of student are you?' will be used for admission into universities. For job interviews, more difficult quizzes like 'What colour is your aura?' will be used to differentiate the great from the useless.

3. People will not know who their real father, mother, brother or uncle is, but they will be immediately able to tell you which of their facebook friends is their 'Father of the Day' or 'Uncle of the Day'.

4. Posts like this will be the only ones on humor sites, because no one else will even understand any other forms of jokes.

5. Nobody will talk to each other unless they're friends on facebook first, and even then they will only chat.

Alternatives to facebook:

1. A life.

2. Rehab.

3. Joining the (real) Mafia and kicking some (real) ass.

4. Becoming a farmer and dying of boredom.

5. Getting into a relationship instead of lying about a non-existent one on facebook.

This concludes my feelings about Facebook.However,I'll still be taking quizzes,playing Mafia wars(Not farmville-rotten tomatoes and infested cabbages..Yuckk)and whiling away my ever so inexhaustible time.Happy Orkutting,Happy Facebooking and Happy TIME WASTING.

Cheers.....

A Pyschedelic Treat..

The Porcupine Tree Mania has struck IITB real hard.Ever since the news hit campus,that indeed,Porcupine Tree was going to perform in India for the first time ever,and that too in MOOD INDIGO-09,students have gone into a frenzy.PT lovers are thrilled beyond measure and people who haven't heard of them(read ME)are pretending to like them,and have started listening to"Sound of Muzak","Lazarus"and the like,just so that they enjoy the electrifying night of 21st December,which they definitely will.

Now I found this interesting set of questions on Facebook and keeping in with the Porc flu,have attempted to answer them only in Songs by PT.Here we start then:

1.Are you a male or female? 

"Mother & Child Divided" 

2.Describe yourself:

"A Smart Kid"/"Prodigal"   

3.How do you feel:

"Shallow"/"Normal"/"I Find That I'm Not There"

4.Describe where you currently live:

 "On the Sunday of Life..."/"The Nostalgia Factory" 

5.If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

"Up the downstair"/Jupiter Island"

6.Your favourite form of transportation:

"The Burning Sky"/"Open Car"

7.Your best friend is:

"Intermediate Jesus"/"Pure Narcotic"

 8.Your favourite colour is:

"Black Dahlia"/"Blackest Eyes"/"The Colour of Air"    

9.What's the weather like:

"It will rain for a million years" :))

10.Favourite time of day:

 "Half-Light"/ "Dark Origins" 

11.If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:

"No reason to live,No reason to die"

12.What is life to you:

"Cure For Optimism"/ "Music for the head"/"Stupid Dream"/"Stranger By the Minute"

13.Your current relationship:

"She's moved on"/"The Start of Something Beautiful" (One thing led to another) :))

14.Breaking up:

"Glass Arm Shattering"/"Feel So Low"

15.Looking for:

"Footprints" /"Small Fish" 

16.Wouldn’t mind:

"Buying New Soul"/"This long silence"

17.Your fear:

"Fear of a Blank Planet"

18.What is the best advice you have to give:

"Prepare Yourself" /"Don't Hate Me"

19.If you could change your name, you would change it to:

"Lazarus"/"Novak"

20.Thought for the Day

 "Monuments Burn into Moments"/"Time Flies"

21.How I would like to die:

"Heartattack in a layby"/"A Delightful Suicide" 

22.My motto:

"Arriving Somewhere but not here"

And Finally,I leave,with a question

 "What Happens Now?"**

I submit to thy allegiance-Google

Recently,The Internet turned all of 40 years old.Although it may sound really fable-ish,it's really hard to imagine life without Internet.Being a self-confessed obsessive Wikipedia and Google Fan,I'd be famished if these search engines were not at my disposal.

Wiki for example has one me many a weird bet like whether Nayan Mongia ever wore a yellow helmet.Yes he did and I got a free nimbu paani for my staunch and stubborn stance.Many a time,things that we can't recollect at that very instant,we google it.Name of the guy who hooks around with Megan Fox(God Screw Him)-Google It.From where has Pritam copied his latest Chartbuster-Google It.Code for a c++ program-Google it.The Latest movie review-Yet again,only two words-Google it.

And just rambling along or surfing as it is rather comically referred to,I found the above tool.Looking for something new to put up in my blog,I found a site called Wordle.net.Just paste the link of your webpage there and you get an image like the one above,with words from your own blog.

Cheers..Until the Next

n PS:Who's miss"Work-hard"??Thanks for your generous comments.But please come forth.

Rendezvous with Chetan Bhagat

He may not be a literary genius.He may not have the immaculate vocabulary nor does he create a vivid and in-depth imagery of his characters .His books are not masterpieces,with the perfection and finish of an artist's paintbrush on his canvass.Still,his books are read all over.The casual,breezy and today stuff that he writes,with dollops of slapstick humour and witty pieces strewn over makes me a fan of his,like millions of youngsters across the country.

So when I heard that Chetan Bhagat's coming over to IITB,I couldn't just let go of the chance,Could I?

It was the freshers orientation of E-cell for which he had been invited to give a talk.Another guest of honour was Channel V's ex MD whose name I unfortunately can't recollect.Even his talk was quite interesting and enlightening.But the crowd waited in anticipation for India's most read novelist to come on stage.

His introduction was just 3 words"5 point Someone".

We all have certainly had a glimpse of his wittiness and cracjkack sarcasm,albeit through his books.But,strutting on to stage,the first thing he said was"You guys are never going to know what ragging is.Our times were those of glory.Do something atleast.Freshers should try ragging their own mates,among themselves if seniors aren't allowed to rag them".

Followed a powerpoint presentation in which he traced his journey from being a banker to a writer.In his own words,he wrote 5 point someone in his office hours just to avenge his "BAD BOSS".The first publisher reply that he got was"Indians don't read books"to which he replied"Then why the hell are you a publisher?".Followed a series of"We need experienced writers"and just plain "No's",finally a small Indain company said"We can give it a try"and as the age old cliche goes,the rest is history.

Cracking jokes about the IITian desperation for girls,he said in an understanding tone"I know what you are going through","I've been there".At one point he looked into the crowd and exclaimed"Oh these many girs(There were about 70 odd).And 2 or 3 of them are actually PRETTY.Better times these".

The one serious point that he raised amidst all that fun"I am an IITian.What next".Even i've felt this for a long time.Although it is a significant achievement,you can't bask in the glory of it forever.You have to rekindle your passions for something constructive,that interests you.In his own words"The inner call".Life does have to move on,otherwise an inevitable emptiness will hit you.He also talked about"Looking down".How we can be a help to the less priveleged colleges,by assisting them maybe technically or even through our college fest,which he acknowledged to be the biggest in Asia.He brought home the point that being an IITian himself,he always feels nostalgic coming to any IIT,and that he is disappointed by the way IITians are perceived-Snobbish and Conceited.He appealed for a change in this perception by helping the less-privileged and not ridiculing them.

In between though,he was coming up his wisecracks like"I would have written 5 point Someone as the story of 3 IIT girls and not guys had I known that It would be made into a movie.Atleast Kareena would have come here,with two other heroines.However they would have been the only 3 girls in IIT."

In the very short Q&A,due to the 10pm freshie deadline(Screw the administration),he was asked how much of FPS is actually true."You guys want to know what happened to Neha??70% of the book is true."Shouts of page 170 surfaced and he retorted"I f only you had read your physics book with such attention,all would be JEE 1."

His advice to JEE-3 who was in the gathering was"Well done dude,Now go and talk to some girls"

He was asked about his next book which he said would come out in Diwali."A love story by Chetan Bhagat".Waiting eagerly for it to hit the stands.He was asked if he wrote what he wanted to write or what the people wanted to read.He reaffirmed my perception that he,indeed was a populist writer but alongwith the page 170's he also tries to spread a message that is evident in all his books.Be it friendship in the first,Self-belief in the 2nd and faith in god in the third book of his,he has always attempted to connect to the youth in his own casual way.

All in all,it was a fun evening with something to think about as one left the auditorium.

Just the way I like it..Cheers.

Spidey would have been proud..

As college has started(and closed)and then started again,I thought I'd share this amazing turn of events courtesy of the now notorious H1N1 virus,which is lovingly called SWINE FLU.

For the first time in its illustrious 51 year history,IIT BOMBAY remained closed for one full week because of the swine flu scare.All this was done,primarily for the safety of the students,to keep them in a protective environment and make sure that they are not exposed to the nitty-gritties of this virus which is on a killing spree right from earlier this year.

But eccentric creatures as IITians are,they chose to look at the wierd(is this how you spell it??) and funny side of it.Apparently,a few quizzes had been put off due to this unprecedented"swine flu"holiday.Status messages like"I love you swine flu"and"Swine flu rocks"(In IIT if anything is even a semblance of something good,IT ROXX MAN) alongwith"Screw quizzes and Professors"suddenly rented the air.The swine flu masks have really become a fashion statement here,apart from being used like a scarecrow.In the midst of unsuspecting commuters,wearing those 3 layered masks,deafening sneezes and voluntary coughs surface and people start scattering helter skelter.The swine flu menace has already been made bigger than it seems by the oh so disgusting Indian media that me taking another dig at it,won't be of any importance.

Only when I ventured out of campus did I realize that Mumbai has really become a spiderman fashion parade-masks galore and that too bought at about 10 times the price.Wonder if they start selling swine flu protective headgear or chocolate flavoured tamiflu tablets or some such crap.The commercialisation,sensationalisation and the unnecessary hype that it has generated,has ensured that drawing rooms,local trains,tv stations and even the useless Indian parliament has found a bunny topic of endless discussion.

Personally,I think that my state government is doing a commendable job.Otherwise with India,an epidemic can only spread.In IIT too,with us being epitomes of laziness,carelessness and a sense of hygiene that better not be talked about,it wouldn't have taken a lot of exercise for the virus to spread its wings.Thankfully,it's all finally dying down now as people are finding other things to do and read about.

But all said and done,SWINE FLU ROCKS MANN..It gave us sleep deprived,prof-afflicted and homesick college students a week to savour..I LOVE PIGS..,MUAHHHHH......

Someone's gone nuts......

Bear with me..I've gone crazy..

TAKE 1.BANDRA WORLI SEA LINK

Phewwww...Finally the Bandra-Worli Sea-link has opened to the public..Our Al-Qaeda and Lashkar-e-toiba brethren are really elated by this news and want to thank erstwhile(dumped)minister Shivraj Patil for this great great convenience that he has caused them.Apparently,they now have to travel 35 minutes less while travelling from Bandra to Worli to blow up random buildings,random people randomly.They have declared they will use the sea-link route to blow up some-place in Bandra or Worli or blow up the god-damn bridge itself,saving 40 or so minutes of their valuable time to shoot people elsewhere.The toll tax would have been a problem,but ISI with its coffers flowing with millions of fake currency,as always comes to their aid.Jai Shivraj Patil...Jai Maharashtra.

TAKE 2.UNEMPLOYMENT

The chief reason for unemployment in our country is????????????????????????????????????

Absolutely right..It's Kasab..Because of him this guy lost his job..

and this guy......

And this guy.................

AND FINALLY...... THIS GUY-LOST HIS SENSES.

So,the root cause of unemployment is indeed,Kasab..Kudos....

TAKE 3.WHO KILLED MICHAEL JACKSON??????????

Well,It's all quite logical actually..Dosen't take a CID to figure it out..It takes NOIDA POLICE.

NOIDA police has conducted its preliminary investigation and revealed that the cause of MJ’s death is a fiendish creature called: MAYAWATI

The NOIDA police theory is based on the following considerations:

1.Mayawati considered Jackson an enemy because MJ liked to erect his statues but Mayawati is also obsessed with erecting statues.Both parties went to the same statue maker. MJ due to his celebritydom was always given the first preference which irritated Mayawati. She thus got rid of the competition by attacking MJ.

2.Mayawati still blames MJ for stealing her dance moves.

3.MJ is connected to Mulayam Singh because Amar Singh knows Amitabh Bachchan who knows Anil Ambani who owns Dreamworks Studios which has produced many films whose original soundtrack has featured songs by Michael Jackson.

4.Since MJ is a foreign national who is not a policeman in UP, he cannot be transferred thus he can only be eliminated.

5.Michael Jackson loved Mahatma Gandhi,Mayawati does not.

These are just a few reasons why Mayawati killed Michael Jackson according to NOIDA police.

If you live in a world inhabited by Mayawati, NOIDA police, terrorists, recession, depression, crime and poverty. You are indeed better off dead than alive.

TAKE 4-WHICH LOOK IS SEXIER(IN CASE YOU NOTICED)

That's it folks.

AN EMPTY MIND FOR SURE IS A LOON'S WORKSHOP,for conjuring up ultra-fartish thoughts like these,I DEMAND apologies.

An Engineer's saga.....

Sometimes,very small utterances or incidents can completely change the course of your life.The rustling of two leaves can trigger a catastrophic forest fire,capable of reducing cities to ashes.In a recent movie,I happened to see the above quote"One stroke of butterfly flapping could eventually have a far-reaching ripple effect such as a tornado-The Butterfly Effect".And I realise the repercussions of this statement.It very aptly sums up an Engineer's life.

It all started on the fateful day when I got decent marks in Maths and Science in my Class 9th examination.I was happy then,but the butterfly's wings had flapped.My Odyssey towards disaster had begun.I was on my way.Good marks in 10th only made matters worse.Now I belonged to an entirely different class.The'creme de la creme',the elitists who would know how current flows through wires,but would never the flow of blood to the head,spurred by a soft feminine touch.I would learn to solve many complex equations and inequations,but one puzzle would keep me flummoxed forever.I would never know"What women want".

The final blow had been struck.Stormy winds had surfaced.Whatever little face to face interaction I had with petite and pretty ladies(read ogling or NSP) was now redundant.The science class was all about pulleys and weights,reactions and integrals and giving us august company were a bunch of GOD's own creatures,betraying the very concepts we had about the female structure.Majority of those NON-MALE species were monstrously chested (in the x axis not the z axis) and the amount of hair on their face and legs could put most boys in our class to shame.The neighbouring arts and commerce section however,was like a pilgrimage to us hungry bozos and we often paid our respects from a distance.It was also believed that girls had rather lenient morals and were quite inquisitive .However this was just a rumor.The truth-I would never know.Obedient and dutiful son that I was,I still listened to my parents preaching"Work hard beta,U'll surely get what you want".I couldn't tell them that all I wanted was a sneak peek at the ever so elusive female anatomy.But knowing that the writing on the wall was slowly but surely surfacing,that I was and had been proved a complete loser when it came to the opposite sex.In these depressing times,I found solace in the education and the recreation that some 18+ websites and the occasional late night muted movies(comprehending the plot of those plotless movies was quite an easy task.The sound only added effect to the beautiful visuals,thus was quite unnecessary)provided.Nevertheless I slogged relentlessly and shoved up formula after formula,concept after concept into my already inflating ass and finally made my way to a decent Engineering College.All changes bring hope and it was so,even in my case.The stark harsh reality struck me only when I actually got in there.The Arts girls(goddesses)were now gone.The distant ogling days were now a forlorn memory.The college suffered the fate of all other of its contemporaries with the most dismal beauty beast ratio(Who is the beauty and who is the beast is most debatable in an engineering college).The few good looking ones were taken in by the studs who came zooming in fast bikes and whirred out faster,using their brakes to good effect.Obviously they were good at giving other rides as well.The guys who scored in basketball games,scored in the dark and the coochikoos who plucked guitar strings,plucked g-strings with a surreal expertise.What remained was a highly frustrated and depressed lot of me's,always in search of their love(or lust).

Occasional trips to the city did revive our faith in the almighty.The same"Art like"kohl lined eyes,pendulum-ly oscillating posterior,electric smiles and sculpted figures silhouetting away past us,really brought sighs and smiles to our prof-tortured faces.Our otherwise high I.Q brains could never really grasp girls.These eyes,what they whisper,leave not even a clue in it for us.That eye blink,that suggestive head tilt,that intentional strand of hair that has to be put aside time and again,numb our mind to the extent that we understand nothing.May be something has been conveyed by sign language,but programming languages are the only kinds we understand.The storm has picked up velocity.

But as we know,hope is a good thing.We heard stories that once you land a decent job and own a hefty wallet,the girls come flocking.But as the old adage goes"Once a loser is a loser forever".After studying about cogs and machines and nuts and bolts,displaying a little presence of mind in the interview,and landing a 7 digit salary,my workplace still seems like an extended replica of my college.The female peers here are just much heavier,much uglier and much much more scarier. The eye candy we got from across the corridor and later away from our college in the city has now totally vanished.There is no going back now,i can only pick the remnants from my reminisces and daydream about it while i bang the keys on my keyboard sitting in my cubicle.The flutter of wings has finally become a tornado and I am amongst the thousands who have become casualties.

I am an engineer.

God Bless me....

Hell breaks loose...

Sometimes,you just need to have a reality check.You just need to look deep into the crevices and apertures of your very own twisted mind and set some facts straight.Sometimes,in life,you need that punching bag,to vent your fury into,or maybe a stupid trash-can,just to spit out the venom inside you.

I am seething with anger right now and the reason for that is just myself.Why do I always get to learn things like this.Is RUDE SHOCKS the only way to give someone some perspective.Well maybe it is,because I've been getting these"zor ka jhatkas"ever since I have tried to bring about a change in myself.I now,realise that freaking egos are very important if you want to save your face here.Its good to have an inflated ego,sometimes,and may well as be darn good,to bring in a little bit of a fakish and flamboyant air about you,no matter how uncharacteristic it may seem.

As a result of the happenings over quite some time,I now feel the same way about friendship,the same that I feel about love.Nothing but an 8 letter word.B******T.

Kal ho Naa Ho........

THIS IS NOT AT ALL FUNNY..ITS MY OBITUARY....

This is 21st December 2089 and we are here to celebrate(oops..commemorate) the death of prominent businessman and city big wig Mayank Lodha,who lived till the ripe old age of 99.He died in bed,in the arms of his 19 year old latest girlfriend who has been admitted in the local hospital,suffering from acute exhaustion after last night's encounter and would not be able to attend the funeral.He is survived by 2 sons,who are having difficulty in hiding the glee beneath their solemn looking faces and about a dozen other relatives he didn't ever give a shit about.None of his friends would make it to his final journey.Apparently,all of them are dead,some tortured to the painful ignominy by the deceased himself,who was literally a KILLER with his ultra boring talks and others,who died out of frustration about their dull sex lives.His neighbours remember him as a weirdo with a penchant for blasting loud music in the dead of the night,and are heartbroken to learn that their nights will now be silent bliss.His colleagues and subordinates at his very own"MayaCorp" have also collected to pay homage to whom they say,was an absent minded,inefficient and yet a so very confidently demanding and underpaying boss.His grand-daughter is saddened that she would not be able to defeat him any longer in a game of criss-cross.On rambling through his belongings and notes,we find that his teachers at school and college had found to be quite an engaging child and had gone on to describe how nerdy and insipid he really was.

His extremely personal closet was broken into in search of alleged diamonds or other treasures that the asshole had reportedly hidden and all we found was an after death wishlist instead.The contents of which are listed below:

1.A statue be erected by the MISERLY MARWARI SOCIETY in his honour,funds for which would be taken from his already underpaid staff.

2.His orkut status message to be changed to"Long Live Mayank"and a community of the same name,to be moderated by his lovely grand-daughter.

3.Distribution of absolutely new and fresh porn Cds across all IITs,alongwith a weeklong supply of booze.

4.His personal library be dismantled and all the books be donated to nerds like him,found in every nook and cranny one could venture into.

5. His precious T-shirts and jeans be burned with him,so that no one else would wear them.

6.He wants Eminem's grandson to prepare a rap song about him,and to be played during his last rites.

With this we conclude this obituary,remembering Mayank for the moron that he was.May his soul rest in Eternal Piss.

Another Commercial Break.....

1..2..3..4..5..DLF Maximum..7..8..and so on.

If things stay as they are,with the excessive commercialisation of sports(Read IPL),this is going to be the norm when kids start learning how to count.

With so much money involved in this tournament and people earning money for as much as digging earth on the cricket field(Read Neil Mckenzie,Alistair Campbell among others)and even for giggling repeatedly and cracking senseless jokes on air(Not Mandira),I wonder if its a cricket tournament after all.

All said and done,some of the matches have been edge of the seat thrillers spoiled somewhat only by the irate and moronic commentary and the extremely annoying proliferation of advertisements between matches.

Fours,sixes,wickets,dot-balls and all that can happen on a cricket field has found a sponsor.Even the dog that came on the field has rumored to be sponsored by Vodafone.Wherever you go,our network follows.The sponsorship mania has ad-jaculated me too.

As I was Titan watching the DLF IPL, It Ford Pickup struck me as rather unfortunate that Indian cricket commentary had Parryware Kitchen sunk to such appalling depths where commentators have to Anchor plug brand names into every sentence they Pillsbury utter. MDH Masala seasoned campaigners like Arun'Dabur'Lal are now tongue Park Avenue tied as their regular cliches need to be Escorts Hospital surgically inserted with ads.

“We are in for a Parle cracker of a ITC match”, practices Arun. “That Vadilal Ball icecream was four from the Dairy Milk moment it left the BDM bat. It has gone the BSNL long distance.Gilette Razor edged, and taken. This match, one feels, will go down to the Havell’s wire".

What next??Maybe Branded Player Nicknames.Like Rahul"Birla Cement"Dravid-The Wall or Swapnil"Nano"Asnodkar or maybe even a John"DELL"Buchanan given his whims and fancies for laptop-ising the game of cricket.Or maybe during the player interviews,you could have ads flashing in the background when the player utters a particular word.Let say for example,Dhoni while answering Ravi Shastri,speaks about"performance".Whoa,you could have the DUREX logo flashing in the background.Or maybe,with the advent of new technology,in years to come,maybe we will be trained and brought up by these advertisers such that on hearing certain magical words like"Phosphoric acid"during the strategy time-out,an entire stadium full of people gets converted into zombies,walking nonchalantly towards the nearest Pepsi store.

Hey people,Don't mistake me.I'm totally in love with the IPL.This slambang version of cricket is too entertaining to miss out on.The pleasure of listening to legendary ex-cricketer commentators announcing with breathless excitement, the first DLF Maximum in any game with the fervour of a teenager at an Iron Maiden concert screaming at each one of their ridiculously homogenous songs,is too much to resist.

P.S:How about giving ads to the sultry and sexy cheerleaders??We won't complain as long as we get to see more of them.They're SIMPLY SMOKING HOT...

India Speaks......

Guys,the Indian public has stamped its verdict.The UPA retain power,with such a thumping victory,that it reinstates the fact,that the country ,however divided it may seem,is unanimous in its want for a stable government.The work that Congress has done in its ruled states,has paid dividends.The 1 lakh kms + that Rahul Gandhi travelled,asking people to believe in Dr Manmohan Singh's government and the PM's own workmanlike and clean image ensured an encore for the UPA after the 2004 elections.And also,leaders like Mayawati,Mulayam Singh and the Left,who claimed to be the public's messiahs at the grassroot level,playing dirty communal politics,were given a big boot in their faces by the voters..

Salutes to Democracy...For once I'm Happy.......

Apolitically Speaking......

Due to the truckloads of time that I have at my disposal these days for wasting in useless pursuits,I have been noticing a lot of things.For a start,the weather Gods don't seem too pleased this year and have blessed even my happy hilly hometown with soaring mercury levels and temperatures virtually unheard of,in this region.There is no respite from the heat,and so,even a quintessentially free bird like me has to spend(or while away)his time indoors.With nothing happening in my life and infinite events burning newsprint these days,I thought I'd take a jibe at one or two of those.

Firstly,I'm writing this as India awaits her fate for the next five years.Will it be the voice behind BJP's advertisements(AD-VAANI) or the blue turban guy who'll be at the helm of affairs.The exit polls have been predicting nothing this time,having taken lessons from last time's absolute shocker of a result.Talking of shockers,I sincerely hope that India doesn't choose that motor-mouthed lady with the none too impressive baritone or even the no-no guys(they've said no to everything all their lives-from bpo's to car factories to nuclear deals).
Honestly speaking,with the advent of coalition politics,the indian political kabaddi has become even more dirtier,with more mud and dung involved.Ideologies will go for a toss and mp's will be bought and sold like toothpaste once the results start coming in.People who have no vision for the country are dreaming of sitting at its highest civilian post.Throughout campaigning,none of our oh so capable leaders have even mentioned the ground-root problems that our country faces,let alone figuring them out.Dynasties,Religional and linguistic barriers,foul mouthedness nothwithstanding,the opposing parties have convincingly proved,that both the PM's in waiting are weak leaders.
I don't really give a damn about who comes to power.It simply won't make a difference to the common man.There will still be powercuts.water shortage,rising prices and netas would still be busy,either filling their own pockets,or throwing mud at each other.However,I'd like to see how the silver-spooned chocolate boy performs if and when he does become a minister.He has got that lineage,that charisma that his father had and from the little that I've seen of him,I believe he does talk sense.He's treaded the length of the entire country,from Kerala to Jammu & Kashmir.May his efforts pay off as I'm all for young blood in the muck that our political scene is.
Speaking of youth,I'm really impressed and influenced by the involvement of the youth brigade in it.The intense "Jaago"campaign,aiming at getting people to vote,to bring about that much desired change,did make a huge difference.Kudos to the man behind this campaign and also to our Indian public,for coming out and voting,despite the galactic May heat.One day.this will certainly make a difference.

And yes Mr Bachchan and family,What the heck were you thinking when you posed for the above photograph.Yes,I know that Indian politics does suck at the moment,but so do your movies.One unintentional gesture from Bollywood's first family-It completely echoes my sentiments towards these dreary old netas.

F_ _ _ U

Happy Homecoming

After a rather tiresome and comatose month full of mugging notes and solving tutorials,finally I'm done with my endsems.Feeling more relieved than relaxed at the moment.To say that I screwed up my papers really badly would just be an understatement.Infact,I performed just like the Rajasthan Royals did against Bangalore the other day.(Excuse that but IPL fever has really caught on.)

Now that the dark clouds of academics have slipped into oblivion and springtime beckons,I use this time to think of the year gone by..

My first year at IITB..God it was special.Had a lot of fun and now wanna do something constructive in the next year.The hostel rivalry(H3 ki @#@@$@...can't help it guyzz,being an H4ian forever),the gaali-fights which brought out all the passion and innovation from within us(via remixing of gaalis ofcourse),the water fights which ensured that we did have a bath once in a while,those birthday bumps(something still hurts),mafia-nights,those gobi paranthas at 2 in the night at H-13,snoring away in class,unaware of the professor glaring at you,those insights into each other's lives,sitting on the water tank up the hostel terrace..oh yes it really was great fun..

Having got back home now,for three long months,there's lots more to come..Please keep visiting this space for more........

Cheers.......

A Tale of Hope....

Promises are made to be broken...A really cliched line,but I guess nothing else explains my disappearance better.I had"promised"to be back soon but alas,the bane of lethargia caught up with me.With sincere apologies to my readers(if there are any),I again"PROMISE"to be more regular.

Well,I happened to see a movie lately.Being a fan of movies that are thought provoking and that deal with the various intricacies of the human pysche,this one immediately struck a chord with me."Shawshank Redemption",begins with the conviction of Andy Defrain,an Investment banker,for the brutal double murder of his wife and her alleged lover.He is awarded a life sentence,despite the weapon of assault never being recovered.Andy pleads innocent but the motive is too strong for the judge to ignore.

Andy is then moved to Shawshank Prison,a notorious and depressing prison where brutality is commonplace.The world woven inside the four walls of that jail is what fascinated me initially.The first night is deemed to be the most difficult.All alone,in the shit-hole sized prison cell,and with no one to talk to,nothing left but all the time in the world to pass.I simply shudder to think of a prisoner's state of mind then.Andy braved the first night.He didn't break down.He had a quiet demeanour and was at peace with himself at first.Slowly but surely,he was getting used to the'Shawshank' way of life.

He befriends REDS-a man known to smuggle things into jail and acquires a rock-hammer from him..He becomes assistant librarian and revamps the library by his persistent efforts.By helping prisoners,guards and even the Warden in accounts and tax related stuff,he earns respect among the staff and the prisoners.In all this time,deep down,he hopes for freedom in the future - a hope he tries to pass on to the other prisoners. He never stops believing in life's possibilities, but to make the most of them he needs to be free.He cherishes a dream of going to Mexico one day.I just love the theme-line of this movie"Fear can hold you prisoner. Hope can set you free".

In due course he helps the Warden in his tax frauds,plotting for revenge and his own escape all the way.

The narratives by Reds,that run throughout the movie,are touching to say the least.Life's simple truths and things about jail that we have never thought of,have been said with such normalcy and honesty that it immediately appeals,straight to the heart.Also,the interaction between Reds and Andy serve as one of the several high points in this movie.

But this is not a "fancy" film.A very quiet storyline with minimum of drama is what sets it apart.It sticks to the story it is telling without resorting to flashy tricks to grab the audience's attention.The gutsy and astonishing escape of Defrain keeps the viewer hooked and waiting with bated breath.Its captivating subplots,superb acting,poignant narratives makes it a must watch despite the story being a simple one.The main theme is hope, not despair, and the violence serves only as a backdrop to that message.It affected me deeply,filling me with lots of hope and will to fight adversity.Unashamedly a feelgood movie, By the end one is wishing only that it would continue for a few more moments.

A touching tale of hope and courage,graced with great depth and commitment- An uplifting must-see movie.Arguably the best movie ever not to have won an oscar,it is ranked first on the list of IMDB'S top 250 movies of all time.Please watch it...Take my word..U'll love it.

Insanic Verses

THE DUMMY

In that forgotten part of town

Where wasted hopes and dreams abound,

A wrinkled man with life near end,

In hopes to have at least one friend,

Fashioned bits of wood and things

And made a dummy run by strings.

He sat alone for hours on end,

Conversing with his only friend

And found delight within the fact

That he controlled it's every act.

He told it how he never had a chance,

since all his luck was bad

Although he'd tried so to succeed -The dummy nodded and agreed.

And how his journeys in romance

Had never given him a chance,

And wasn't it a crying shame

That he was always held to blame

When everyone knew, oh so well,

That life is but a living Hell,

Controlled by lust and power and greed?

The dummy nodded and agreed.

With patience that would rival saints,

That dummy sat through all complaints

And, with each little expert tug,

He'd droop his head or bow or shrug

And give some comfort to the man

Who held his lifelines in his hand

And helped to fill a lonely need

When he just nodded and agreed.

Senility increased with time

As did the old man's phantomime,

And feverish fingers pulled with glee

The dummy's dance of misery.

They never left each other's side

Until the day both stopped and died.

We found them lying, hand in hand,

The dummy - and his wooden friend.

CAN I CALL U ANGEL

The snow fell,

leaving a halo of white upon your head,

and that's when I said,"Can I call you Angel?"

You looked at me with surprise,

but I could see it in your eyes, and I knew.

As you sang silent night,

your beautiful voice put me at ease,

and I asked please,"Can I call you Angel?"

A smile came to your face with serenity and grace,

but you said not a word.

In my darkest hours you held my hand,

never leaving my side,

and I said, while I cried,

"Can I call you Angel? "

You then began to wipe the tears away and erase all the gray in my life.

You led me down a path of gold,

telling me of the creator above,

and again I asked with a greater love,

"Can I call you Angel?"

You never answered my plea,

so I fell to my knee in prayer.

As I opened my eyes, I could see you before me;

Your wings spread and a golden halo upon your head

and one last time I said,

"_____, can I call you Angel?"

WHAT IF SHE LEAVES WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE

If you don't say goodbye,

Before you turn and leave.

What am I supposed to do,

Except to cry and grieve?!

I thought our friendship was special,

I thought it meant a lot.

If you felt the same way,

Why are we stuck in this knot?

I don't like good-byes,

But in this we have no choice.

If you won't speak to me,

the good-bye's will come from MY voice.

We've managed through other fights,

But this one's not the same.

I'm not having any fun,

And I won't to stop this game.

I'm not good at soirees,

So I'll do my best with this.

I have one last request,

It is my goodbye wish.

I wish that we were friends again,

Before WE say GOODBYE.

Now that this is off my chest,

I wait and sit and sigh.

Cheers,Readers...C ya until Next time.

The Ride so far.....

Inspite of all if's and buts,all pros and cons,having dispelled the lazy demons within me and Finally,I have summoned the fingers of my lethargic left hand to type and inspite of all my laziness,decided to venture into the virtual world of Planet Blogosphere.

All my thoughts,creations,incidents and dreams are now put forth for you to read,judge n critic.This is something that I had always wanted to do.But somehow,I could not gather the confidence or the courage to shed my inhibitions and bare my weaknesses to the world..Time and Fate intervened,changed my thought process and here I am..But I feel the urge to tell you why this blog exists and so..Here we start...

I was a student in BANSAL CLASSES,Kota for the last three years,preparing for IITJEE,which to me,like many others,was the ultimate path towards seeking a bright future.This long time that I spent there had to have a very profound effect on me and it did shape me as I am today.Being a small town and very shy guy with virtually nil experience of what city life was like,I was initially lost in the midst of thronging young brilliant minds.The mundane,monotonous and stress filled life there had jabbed and poked at my pysche.I began to feel like a lost kid in a Kumbh fair with crowds hustling past,paying no heed.In short I was just another face in the crowd and was splashing away frantically in those rising waters. Being a slow learner,It did take me considerable time to find my footing.I now knew my limits and practically "modestified" my expectations from myself.And I immersed myself into Maths,Physics and Chemistry.

Friends were now a scarce commodity and I sorely missed my school days.Few of them were definitely in touch and those sweet memories did keep me running.Although we found ourselves very busy due to the hectic curriculum and cut-throat competitive life there,surely there were times when I was alone,with myself.A thousand thoughts came and went and an internal tug of war took place in my mind.There was nowhere to escape from this constant tussle and that was when I sought refuge.I needed desperately some thing to help me fill the spiritual and emotional void in my life,to bring me in sync with myself,and thus I began to write.I had found a frnd finally,Infact two of them,my pen and my Diary...

No matter how hostile Kota was,I did learn a lot about life there.It deserves a very special place in my life.I learnt about self-discipline and sticking to my purpose while watching others either swayinng away from it or just cruising their way to glory,with the assistance of their superior intellect.I learnt what the world was like outside the confines of my home.I shed my fear of darkness and loneliness.It made me a more sensitive human being.I learnt more about myself and thus brought me closer to GOD.The truths about love and friendship were bared to me in that dust bowl of a city.Distances brought many people closer to me and today I'd vouch that they will find me by their side,whenever they need me.I learnt what it was to work persistently hard for something ,that deep down,you knew you may not achieve..and I didn't achieve it..I failed...the first time.

It showed me what failure was like..At a very young age,(barely 16)I had seen life's many colours.It had taken me from smooth expressways to pothole filled roads and my engines did break down at that point.Two very special people(apart from my parents,of course) believed in me,more than I myself did and instilled that new vigour and will in me to go for it..One more year thus passed and I did reasonably well this time around.

And today I have realised atleast my first dream.I am now in IIT Bombay,enjoying the freedom n independence that one associates with college life.Having loads of fun and soaking in these masti-filled moments but the quest for knowledge,both about life and science,is still on.Also I have now discovered that writing was always my INNER CALL and I'm glad that i have managed to listen to it(after many snoozes of course).

"I may not be good,But I strive to be the best.

I may not be swift,But I will Run.

I may not succeed,But I will not fail

I may not find my paradise,But I will get my heaven"

This sums up my sojourn thus far..My next post will be My poems and then one on Life and times in IITB(The fun we have ).Hope you appreciate them.

Please keep posting your valuable comments and feedback and feel free to bullshit my writings if u feel they are worthless enough.The Steering may be in my hands but this Blog-o-car also belongs to my readers.You all are the ones who will be my rehab if I ever begin to drink and drive.Cheers..I'll be back..Soon enough..