Of Friends and Forgiveness

Friendship isn't always easily described. The Eskimos, they say, have a hundred different words for snow. Unfortunately, the English language isn't quite as innovative, though it has vast opportunities to differentiate meaning. Certainly, Love is one of those opportunities. And so, too, is Friendship. Instead of different words, however, we're stuck with simple adjectives. Close friend. Best friend. Childhood friend. Intimate friend.Trusted friend.Beloved friend. But whether you use adjectives or different words, few could deny the nearly infinite meaning in such a simple word.

Friends are special people. We can't pick our family, and we're sorely limited in the number of them at any rate. Society and mores (and often our own conscience) dictate we select a single mate. But our friends can be as diverse and infinite as the adjectives we choose. Our friends, in a very real sense, reflect the choices we make in life.

This is dedicated to one of my closest and best friends over the years.Even  though,we still are the best of mates,but there are inevitable changes bound to happen which I really haven't been able to accept.This is just my way of letting her know I'm sorry and that in our case"Forever ain't just a word".Sadly,I know not of a better way to tell you.

"The Special ONE"

Within my book of memories,

Are special thoughts of you.

And all the many nice things

You often say and do.

As I turn the pages,

And recall each single thought,

I realize the happiness

That knowing you has brought.

There are memories of the times we've shared

Both bright and sunny days.

There are memories of your kindness

And your friendly thoughtful ways.

There are memories of all those notes,

we would write back and forth,

When we would just get together,

And talk of this or that.

And when I recall these memories

As I go along life's way,

I find they grow more precious still

With every passing day.

I reached out for your hand

But you didn't seem to care;

You can only reach so far

When no one else is there.

I wish I could reach further

But I'm only so strong;

I hoped your eyes would open

So that you'd see you're wrong.

It hurts to have to reach far

When you once were so near;

It's hard shouting out for you

With voices you don't hear.

I wish you'd extend your hand

And sense the friendship there;

Knowing what our memories mean

Showing us you still care.

I realize you don't reach back

Instead his hand's with yours;

You can't handle both the worlds

So you close common doors.

We shared sunshine and rainbows;

Sometimes, the rain and the snow;

We stood together through it,

While the cold winds blew.

Inevitably a moment awaits

When we would glide through different gates

When the time is right,

I won't stop to ask "Why?"

Our friendship will take flight

On the wings of a butterfly.

The 5 stages of Anger

Stage 1: The "Brewing Bitterness"

"Temperamental" me has moodswings all the time.There are times when I wouldn't really take notice or mind what happened and there are other times,when small incidents just stay,right there at the back of the mind.These pricky little afterthoughts and debatable questions,keep on building up and get cramped for space,in my cranium and churn up thoughts like"It can't really continue this way","Something needs to be done about this","The Next time it happens................"The inevitable is just lurking around.A disaster waiting to happen........

Stage 2:The "Explosion"

An impulse is all that is needed.A trigger,a stimulus just maddening or irksome enough so that all limits of patience are now exhausted.And then BOOM-the avalanche of venomous thoughts just pours out,unhindered and unstoppable and hits the subject of the impulse with brute force.Although an unwanted turn of events,considering the dreaded stages that follow,at that moment it does make one feel a little lighter and even a bit strong for standing upto something you disapprove of and for trying to bring about just that change in the humdrum and surrounding chaos.It may even be totally unexpected,without Stage 1 preceding it,and then it is just disruptive in nature.The confines and the invisible shackles around normal and mundane day to day life are broken and there is this feeling that Yes,something just happened.In both cases though,the explosion does leave indelible scars,and in some cases CLOSURE.

Stage 3:The"Silence"

The worst part of all.There is now a competitive angle to it.The ego battles begin.A constant tussle between the two halves of one's own mind,strategic moves made to ensue that one remains one up over the other and above all-the effort to make sure your paths don't directly cross.The waiting game,a combination of tug of war and chess,only played between egos.

There is this dark and eerie stillness in which conscience begins its shady whispering and begins an intense Q&A session."Was it really worth it","Was it really my fault","Is it always going to be me,who'll apologise and why not him".The mind begins searching for answers and when it gets tired of it,arises Stage 4.

Stage 4:"The Acceptance/Compromise"

The understanding phase.Queries finally begin to get responses.TheEgo battle though,is still on,in the background and is now subtle rather than cold.The adrenaline has now gushed back.Discoveries like"Who is this affecting the most-ME after all","Who needs them/Do they even need me","Ego skirmishes don't really have an end and there is a never a definitive victor".Normalcy begins to take over,yet again.If it is a person important enough,a compromise with the self is made."It's all right.After all.he's a friend.I/he made an honest and unknowing mistake".The Self understands and it is back to the lull after the storm.

Stage 5:"The Tomorrow"

When "Sorry" is not an option,maybe because friends are too close,or the fact that the ego of neither wants to lose in the power and mind battles and nor on the special bond,this is the fake game that people play.It is almost as if nothing unpleasant had ever taken place.Instead of a sorting out talk,this game involves a fake and icy banter between friends which is supposed to make things seem normal.Not surprisingly,Both parties play along,to avoid awkwardness and also take care not to mention "IT" in the future.Things get back to square one in minutes,but the case with this is that it gives rise to a cycle-Undercurrents of past bitterness still flow and the tension and cold air  is perennial.Stage 1 lurks around in dark corners.The cycle continues..........