Following the retirement of
Sachin Tendulkar, Cricket has also decided to end its foray in the limited over
format with immediate effect. “I have decided to retire from the One Day format
because now it serves no real purpose, given that Tendulkar will not be
playing. However, I will continue playing Test Cricket to prepare for the
all-important IPL”-It said in a statement read out by BCCI Vice President Rajiv
Shukla, who also added that the decision was made under no pressure whatsoever.
“I began my journey in the
1970’s, the same era when HE was born. Back then, people like Sunil Gavaskar,
Ravi Shastri and Geoffrey Boycott used to bore crowds and put people to sleep
by playing over after over and I wondered what my purpose was. It was only when
he started playing that I discovered myself. And Yayyy, I even got people
playing me in coloured uniforms, even though I never liked the Australian
Yellow or the ridiculously red West Indian uniform. But to heck with all of
that, I was the in thing and life was exciting, thanks to HIM and his exploits
on the field. As against paan chewing office babus and enthusiastic young boys,
even girls now came in throngs to watch me. How I blushed when they said they
were “Cricket” lovers. Sigh, those were the days.
Like millions in his country, HE
filled me with great joy when he went berserk against the yellow yellow dirty
fellow Australians in Sharjah. HE also chose to save his best for me and my
premier tournament-The World Cup, with all those centuries and memorable
innings. But somehow, I kept eluding him. I will never forget the pride and
gratefulness I felt when everyone dedicated India’s victory in my 2011 World
Cup to HIM. Whom will India now dedicate its rare victories to, now that he is
gone. Whom will they play world cups for. Virat Kohli, Who always keeps on
abusing me, despite the fame I have given him or M.S Dhoni, who is too fixated
with pitches and curators to think about improving his skills to play me better.
Since yesterday, I am having bad dreams where Ravindra Jadeja and Piyush
Chawla’s performances are being applauded and cheered. Moreover I also heard
that Raju from Faridabad, Pappu from Bhopal and even Rosy from Mumbai will
never watch me again. I will be played in empty stadiums and they will have to
show players scratching their crotches as there will be no advertisements. Only
DD-1 will telecast my matches because no one watches it anyways. No, I would
rather face an honourable death of my own choosing than be insulted like that.
I would like to give my best to
my older cousin, Test Cricket and my foster brother, the IPL who are yet lucky
to be graced by his presence while I rot alone. Shahid Afridi has suggested
that the first retirement is no fun and that I should take at least 17
retirements before ending my career. But no yaar, I shall come back only when
God’s own son, Arjun Tendulkar decides to choose me as a career.
Thank you for all the good times,
GOD
Sincerely, ODI Cricket.
