How to make an Awesome PPT

Well, after a year of making all sorts of presentations in B-School and a summer internship, I have discovered the Raam-Baan/ Gurumantra of making ppts. Presentations have ranged from ones requiring extensive preparation to data intensive to full of globe to impromptu to Q&A based to my favourite one- Where you involve the audience in the "discussion", not because you want to, but because there isn't enough content on the god damn slides. 

The idea to make a good presentation is to keep it simple, clean and in bullet points.However, the art of making a great ppt lies in impressing upon the audience that you have greater knowledge of the subject that is being discussed. For this absolute knowledge about the audience is of paramount importance. Your professor is generally a workaholic, sleep deprived gentleman with a keen eye for detail. It’s important to exploit all the above weaknesses to create a classy presentation designed to kill. We now move on to a dossier on How to make the best ppts.

1. If you are a pretty girl or your group has one, start with a deliberate technical glitch which looks genuine. For example take a random .swf file to a place where you are absolutely sure that no flash player is in sight. The teary eyed female would arouse sympathy. 

PS : In case you are an ugly fat male, do not even try this stunt. You would arouse extreme anger instead of sympathy and your presentation is ruined at the first instance

2. Take a note pad with you. The notepad would basically have gibberish but it should seem you have made presentation notes based on some brilliant research. Insist that the light be kept open so that you can read it out. This would also ensure that you can put random crap on your slides as they would not be visible properly.

3. Remember this. Cluttered ppt is an Awesome ppt. Because the inflated B-School ego will make sure that no one admits that they did not understand your ppt. Make the first slide as cluttered as possible. Put all kinds of smart art, weird figures and random charts copy pasted. Refer all of the material. Curve arrows going from top to bottom work best to confuse the tired mind of the evaluator and would put him off to sleep. 

4. The second slide should only have figures. You can copy paste the balance sheet of the biggest company which is remotely associated with your topic. If you are the king of the free-riders, you can also put random data like CIP = 100% which is loosely interpreted as Chutiyaap in this presentation is equal to 100%. 

5. Never ever mention any word that is remotely linked to the subject expertise of the evaluator. These sex deprived workaholic’s only get orgasms after listening to such things and would rape you within the next two minutes. 

6. Keep a stop watch to repeat the following lines religiously after every 90 seconds – 

• For Marketing ppts – “Providing customer value is the most important. Customer is the king”

• For Finance ppts – “Providing shareholder value is the most important. Shareholder is the king”

• For HR ppts – “Providing people value is the most important.  People are the king”

• For Consulting ppts – “We did a thorough analysis. Consultant is the king. ”

7. Give 3-4 random solutions to the problem that was given.. Find out (Google) exactly the same number of advantages and disadvantages to all. No less no more. In case your audience was not confused before, they will surely be brainfucked now and that's awesome.

8. After sufficiently confusing the audience, open the forum for questions. Only one question would arise “So what is your final recommendation”. Pick any one, state its advantage and then say but in case (Now return to point 7 and get into an infinite loop). 

Ciao :D

Why to be a Pune Warriors Supporter in this IPL

IPL Season 6 has accomplished the difficult task of becoming an even more irritating television spectacle than the previous versions with the "Nayi Soch Award" , Farah Khan's extremely moronic dance Step along with Mr Danny Morrison and Navjot Singh Sidhu carrying on with their insightful commentary.However, Pune Warriors have been a serious disappointment for the 3rd year running. Here is my $0.02 on why one should still support them, come what may:

1. When you look at Ashok Dinda, with the headband and ridiculous delivery leap and all, you realize that no matter if a billion people think that you are completely useless, there is always that special someone who will still value you at INR 2 crore. At your lowest ebb, you will take heart from the fact and believe that "Life is all about finding that special someone".

2. Such things help you empathize and learn from the Zimbabwean and Bangladeshi Cricket fans who have been going through the same feelings for the past 20 years. If nothing else, supporting Pune will make you a better person. It may also prepare you for the times when our own cricket team goes abroad to get blanked out by South Africa, England etc.

3. You can always put up funny status messages about any Pune player and even Pune fans are bound to like them because most of them would be on Facebook rather than bear the pain of watching the match.

4. A loser team always helps you appreciate the performance of the winning team better. In the end after all, "Cricket is the Winner". You can follow average cricketers like Saurabh Tiwary, Ashok Menaria, Mayank Agarwal, Mithun Manhas etc and when even they start looking good just because they are playing against Pune, you will be rest assured that the future of Indian cricket is in good hands.

5. They beat the team to beat this year. CSK. Yeah, for some reason I hate them. We are kings, Whistle Podu, Yenna Rascala. Fans bloody behave as if Dhoni eats rasam at their house every night for dinner. And Pune did beat them. If not anyone else.

6. They are the only team who totally believes in the philosophy of their owners- The Sahara Group, which is to Take the money home and not bother about performance,giving returns to your investors and such crap. Such devotion and dedication to your owners deserves immense appreciation.

7. The matches get so unbearable that you begin to look for inspiration elsewhere. You read the IF poem by Rudyard Kipling, the poem about the Spartans and the 600 vaali army from Blind Side.You read about Oskar Schindler, Irom Sharmila etc.What did the others get-Their team won and they finished their pizza and slept. You, on the other hand were inspired and more prepared for the bigger things in life.

8. After two years, all people will remember is the winner of the IPL ,that is CSK. No one cares about who came second or 5th etc. So, for the other 8 teams, this IPL will be as meaningless as the Pune Warriors.We fans will not have to needlessly suffer the agony of losing out on a playoff berth due to an umpiring error or losing a close final. We can enjoy the dancing cheerleaders (of the other team), Page 3 celebs, Karishma Kotak. Preity Zinta and all that is to like about the IPL.

9. This one is for the girls. They may not be setting the house on fire with their performance but they have more than a few good looking guys in their ranks e.g Steve Smith, Aaron Finch, Mitchell Marsh, Luke Wright etc. The girls who do not understand cricket but are made to bear it because of their over enthusiastic boyfriends, you have some serious eye candy.

10. Most importantly, Pune fans can get on with their lives, pursue their hobbies and interests which are not even remotely related to cricket. They can stop being a part of the crass IPL bandwagon and do meaningful things in their life. So in case you have a girlfriend, it is time to concentrate on her because immediately after the IPL , there is the Champions Trophy and then there is the South Africa tour, New Zealand tour etc. Now is the time. Who knows when Sachin might retire and you may go in to depression for a year or two.

11. Everyone supports Manchester United. You can be the cool one by supporting say Hull City or Wigan. Life's monotony sometimes is irritating. One could do with a few pleasant and unexpected surprises such as a Pune Warriors victory. For an MI or CSK fan, roz ki baat hai. It's only us who will know the true intrinsic value of something, and that will help us in our investment banking careers.

12. Risk free strategy. If tomorrow, the tin roof falls over the IPL and all cricket boards say that we want to recall our foreign players, other teams will run for their asses and be screwed left and right. But with the quality of international players that Pune has, No board wants them to play for their country. What hindsight, dude.

13. Corporate Social Responsibility and Philanthropy is what every company wants to focus on, but that is being practiced only by the Sahara Group, who have purchased poor SL players like Angelo Matthews and Ajantha Mendis because their board is not paying them, Aaron Finch, Mitchell Marsh and Steve Smith because their board is not picking them and of course awesomely talented Indian players like Udit Birla, Dheeraj Jadhav, Krishnakant Upadhyay etc. Itne daanveer owner hai koi aur, Batao.

Pune Warriors could be very well on the path to creating history, albeit of a different kind. We as Pune fans must be proud about what we are going to endure for the next few years. It will help us become mentally stronger and survive the cut throat corporate competition that we will soon be exposed to.