Kahaani Belly Dancing Baba Ki

Once upon a time,there lived a man who was ill from head to toe.The story goes that he prayed and prayed until God himself appeared and asked him "What the hell do you want.Please be quick.I am busy watching Khatron ke Khiladi and Poonam Pandey might fulfil her old promises".The man was hurried and excited at the same time at the mention of the pretty damsel.The pervert forgot all about his prior intentions and asked God to make him worthy of such delicious women.God said"Dude,I already made Tushar Kapoor and Riteish Deshmukh.I can't better perfection,but since I know u'll piss your pants in penance again,I'll help you.Go to sleep,son"

The next morning,when he woke up,all his chronic illnesses were gone.He was wearing saffron robes and had a long beard."What the fuck.God made me a stupid Sadhu".Lying on his bedside was a dossier containing the "Life and Times of Swami Nityanand",signed "Dude,Chicks digged him,or vice versa.All the best".He began to admire God's wisdom and began to discover his new body.What was to follow was unfathomable.

God had given him a permanent wink to entice women.Perfect for love at first sight as there would never be a" blink and you miss" moment in his case.In today's discotheque and Nightclub era,He had the perfect moves.He could do a "Hips don't Lie" that would put even Shakira to shame.The Creator had indeed gone one better this time.

His popularity grew and people flocked to him like people in Gulti-land when a Rajnikanth flick releases.He used to dish out random crap about life and peace initially but there was too much competition in this field and he was losing out on all the hotbods.So,the voyeuristic pervert was watching Tashan one day and jerking off on Kareena gyrating to Chhaliya Chhaliya,when he heard about her becoming Size Zero Sexy just by some exercises collectively called Yoga.He thought to himself-"I bloody well have the moves.Why not do something in the garb of this Yoga crap".And hence he was born.Baba Belly Dance.

Times were ripe and he had everything he wanted.Then came 2G scam, Adarsh Society Scam,CWG Scam and the bastard got greedy.Politics was now his new ruthless ambition,but little did he know what was in store.The people who flocked in herds at one gesture of his,were put to use again when he decided to go with the recently fashionable hunger strike gimmick.But you know,politicians are conniving bitches who will always be one up on "Ordinary men".He was trashed by Dick-Vijay Singh and Kapil Sibbal,who called him an insult to the legacy of Osama Ji and Kasab JI.He could feel the rug slipping from beneath his feet.He even tried seducing them by wearing women's clothing and also asked Sushma Swaraj to do the same,but he was kicked out unceremoniously.

He had not given up,was still only eating McD and KFC burgers and Pepsi as part of his hunger strike,but his intestines gave away.Reliance Energy is setting up a new Power Plant to utilize all his Bio-gas and he is in the ICU,exhausted from all the ballooning and bursting.

He tried praying to God again but God only sent him an SMS-"Roadies 8 Ka Finale dekh raha hu,DND"

Internship Survival 101

This is not for my good friends who are away on paid holidays (Read Foreign "Research" internships) and those who love what they do (Read Coding,Marketing,I-Banking).It is for the rest of them,burdened either by the excess of work,or the lack of it,and for the others who just don't want to work.For those forlorn faces,I hereby present IS 101-How to not kill yourself (or others) at an internship.

Internet-God Forbid,if your office desk does not have Internet Access.Plead,Beg,Request,Pain-Do whatever you can to jugaad-o-fy a connection for both your desk and your room.If you are some place in the middle of nowhere where they have plants and shit,You bet you are gonna need it.As it turns out,you might need it for the rest of this course also.

Angry Birds-If you are not yet a fan,good for you.Chances are,you are not yet bored of this awesome awesome game.When boredom sets in,Shoot those damn chickens.

Game of Thrones and Wire-Two epic awesome must watch T.V series.Apart from them,If you haven't watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S and Prisonbreak yet,again,Good for you-Watch them.But Seriously, Ab tak nahi dekha??? WTF

At Work 1-Please please build a good rapport with your Guide.Project your sincerity,Ask him questions,exhibit fake keenness and interest and show him your ugly face regularly,so that you can bunk later and have extended weekends.If he is strict and distant,which is very rarely the case,it is your extreme bad luck.Sorry Rahega.

At Work 2-In most places,Projects allotted are good and challenging,requiring about 20-25 days of sincere efforts.It is the rest of the time,which you can use to just familiarise yourself with the work ethic.If you feel like,you are dispensable and not needed on a particular day,Dispense yourself (Read Bunk with intelligence).

Ebooks and Novels-If you like to read,you can read E-books in office.It is a geeky suggestion but then,who are we kidding,Aren't we all Nerds??

Fellow Interns-No matter how stupid,irritating,dumb or not your types they seem,Be friendly with them.Chances are they might discover a cool hangout in a Klutz of a place,and not take you with them.Be as gay and hooliganistic as you can be.All IITians dig that.

If you have female interns at your place,Summon all your charms as they are the keys to civilization you possess.If they are ugly,Don't look at them,but talk to them.If they are pretty-Shame on you for being a guy,if you need this post to tell you what to do.

Travel and Tourism-Visit nearby destinations and fully explore the city you are in,India is not such a bad place after all.But don't put up their pics on Facebook please.Apparently,other people have gone to Europe and The States.Don't kid yourself.

Movies-This is Golden Advice.Catch every (Read every) movie that is releasing this summer.Apparently there are some that give you "inner peace" and "horror filled tiltilation".It might be heavy on the wallet but extremely light on the mind.Dhinka-Chika-Dhinka-Chika

Finally,Since you are there for an extended length of time.Learn something.Keep your eyes and other observational anatomy open and you might even gain something from it.Don't shirk work,only shirk office when there is not much to do.

Cheers!!

Freddie Mercury Did you really know

"Another one bites the dust" and "The Show must go on"-I can't help thinking about the recurring suicides in IIT when I hear these two masterful tracks from Queen.A few days ago,another "Mechanical" engineer from IITM succumbed to societal pressures and sadly,ended his life.There were statements from the media,the IIT where it happened,the IIT where these things happen the most,other IITs,parents,friends and peers and now the dust has apparently settled,and life goes on,at the same pace and we wait until something like this happens again,to stop and think.

Now,why does this happen??

How do youngsters who've coped with a stress-buster like IITJEE barely into their teens,get so worked up in a place like IIT which give wings to the thinkers,freedom to explore to the rebels,a chance to discover themselves to the confused ones,and a sound environment for the ones who know their true calling.It is the confused category,to which people generally belong,and hence begin to feel lost when they see so much happening around them.They sure try hard to fit in,and to establish themselves but IIT is just that kind of a place.More than the academic pressure or the societal mores,it is this feeling of being alone amongst a thousand,that is actually the root cause.We can ponder on why it happened,but there can be no valid reason,I'm sorry for committing such a grave and sinister act,which is absolutely beyond logic.It's like saying that the end of life is the end of all problems.Mate,you got it wrong and we are all sorry about that.

Also,since the IITs are like this hallowed home in a country that really doesn't have much to be happy about,Do we blow this out of proportion??

The incessant media coverage forces me to believe that yes,it is indeed a little hyped but hey,that is no excuse for trying to cover things up.And Dear Dean of IITM,Please,IT IS NOT FUCKING STATISTICALLY UNIMPORTANT.Yes Sir,you did no wrong in all of this and are in no way responsible,but being a little sensitive and less of a motormouth would have been nice.Even the system is only slightly at fault,due to its silly obsession with numbers.It is rigorous,but then it is a harbinger of the nation's best minds.It deserves to be rigorous,give them more and more challenges and prepare them for the demons of workaholicism,that lurk outside,smacking their lips and ready to pouch on them,knowing that these are indeed their best bet.The college deserves that much,and trust me it is not like we are being killed with 8 hrs of lectures like the doctors,or classes after classes like the CA's.It is indeed a balanced system,with,as I said,a little more adherence to numbers than their should be.But then,Is there such a thing as a perfect system?

To reduce this malaise,I feel that people should stop treating IIT as an antibiotic-a cure for all problems,or as an easy way to succeed in life.It is primarily an institute for engineers and thinkers,and not wannabes who just want to live off the IIT Brand,which by the way,is kinda my plan too.Disinterest and lack of spirit in whatever you do,can really cause a catastrophe and it is really time for parents and students alike,to understand that.It is akin to surviving and flourishing in a place where an entirely different language is being spoken,as my friends on foreign interns might be realizing .India is changing and we need to think beyond the Doctor-Engineer route.Amongst other possibilities , a revamp of the curriculum-as in the syllabus,including more real life elements with an emphasis on basic skills,would be a good heads up.

On the personal level,a lot has been done and said about student counsellors ,but then they are redundant if the student does not go and tell him his problems,which most of us actually fail to realize.For a start,people need to talk about this more seriously,and not treat it like it's sex or something-a supposed taboo topic. The onus is on the students and parents to change an entire train of thought.

IIT needs to be the tough guy,people.Softening it up ain't a solution.To end I'd like to quote one of my favourite writers

“You have a choice. Live or die. Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. To be or not to be.”

Ernest Hemmingway