An Engineer's saga.....

Sometimes,very small utterances or incidents can completely change the course of your life.The rustling of two leaves can trigger a catastrophic forest fire,capable of reducing cities to ashes.In a recent movie,I happened to see the above quote"One stroke of butterfly flapping could eventually have a far-reaching ripple effect such as a tornado-The Butterfly Effect".And I realise the repercussions of this statement.It very aptly sums up an Engineer's life.

It all started on the fateful day when I got decent marks in Maths and Science in my Class 9th examination.I was happy then,but the butterfly's wings had flapped.My Odyssey towards disaster had begun.I was on my way.Good marks in 10th only made matters worse.Now I belonged to an entirely different class.The'creme de la creme',the elitists who would know how current flows through wires,but would never the flow of blood to the head,spurred by a soft feminine touch.I would learn to solve many complex equations and inequations,but one puzzle would keep me flummoxed forever.I would never know"What women want".

The final blow had been struck.Stormy winds had surfaced.Whatever little face to face interaction I had with petite and pretty ladies(read ogling or NSP) was now redundant.The science class was all about pulleys and weights,reactions and integrals and giving us august company were a bunch of GOD's own creatures,betraying the very concepts we had about the female structure.Majority of those NON-MALE species were monstrously chested (in the x axis not the z axis) and the amount of hair on their face and legs could put most boys in our class to shame.The neighbouring arts and commerce section however,was like a pilgrimage to us hungry bozos and we often paid our respects from a distance.It was also believed that girls had rather lenient morals and were quite inquisitive .However this was just a rumor.The truth-I would never know.Obedient and dutiful son that I was,I still listened to my parents preaching"Work hard beta,U'll surely get what you want".I couldn't tell them that all I wanted was a sneak peek at the ever so elusive female anatomy.But knowing that the writing on the wall was slowly but surely surfacing,that I was and had been proved a complete loser when it came to the opposite sex.In these depressing times,I found solace in the education and the recreation that some 18+ websites and the occasional late night muted movies(comprehending the plot of those plotless movies was quite an easy task.The sound only added effect to the beautiful visuals,thus was quite unnecessary)provided.Nevertheless I slogged relentlessly and shoved up formula after formula,concept after concept into my already inflating ass and finally made my way to a decent Engineering College.All changes bring hope and it was so,even in my case.The stark harsh reality struck me only when I actually got in there.The Arts girls(goddesses)were now gone.The distant ogling days were now a forlorn memory.The college suffered the fate of all other of its contemporaries with the most dismal beauty beast ratio(Who is the beauty and who is the beast is most debatable in an engineering college).The few good looking ones were taken in by the studs who came zooming in fast bikes and whirred out faster,using their brakes to good effect.Obviously they were good at giving other rides as well.The guys who scored in basketball games,scored in the dark and the coochikoos who plucked guitar strings,plucked g-strings with a surreal expertise.What remained was a highly frustrated and depressed lot of me's,always in search of their love(or lust).

Occasional trips to the city did revive our faith in the almighty.The same"Art like"kohl lined eyes,pendulum-ly oscillating posterior,electric smiles and sculpted figures silhouetting away past us,really brought sighs and smiles to our prof-tortured faces.Our otherwise high I.Q brains could never really grasp girls.These eyes,what they whisper,leave not even a clue in it for us.That eye blink,that suggestive head tilt,that intentional strand of hair that has to be put aside time and again,numb our mind to the extent that we understand nothing.May be something has been conveyed by sign language,but programming languages are the only kinds we understand.The storm has picked up velocity.

But as we know,hope is a good thing.We heard stories that once you land a decent job and own a hefty wallet,the girls come flocking.But as the old adage goes"Once a loser is a loser forever".After studying about cogs and machines and nuts and bolts,displaying a little presence of mind in the interview,and landing a 7 digit salary,my workplace still seems like an extended replica of my college.The female peers here are just much heavier,much uglier and much much more scarier. The eye candy we got from across the corridor and later away from our college in the city has now totally vanished.There is no going back now,i can only pick the remnants from my reminisces and daydream about it while i bang the keys on my keyboard sitting in my cubicle.The flutter of wings has finally become a tornado and I am amongst the thousands who have become casualties.

I am an engineer.

God Bless me....

Hell breaks loose...

Sometimes,you just need to have a reality check.You just need to look deep into the crevices and apertures of your very own twisted mind and set some facts straight.Sometimes,in life,you need that punching bag,to vent your fury into,or maybe a stupid trash-can,just to spit out the venom inside you.

I am seething with anger right now and the reason for that is just myself.Why do I always get to learn things like this.Is RUDE SHOCKS the only way to give someone some perspective.Well maybe it is,because I've been getting these"zor ka jhatkas"ever since I have tried to bring about a change in myself.I now,realise that freaking egos are very important if you want to save your face here.Its good to have an inflated ego,sometimes,and may well as be darn good,to bring in a little bit of a fakish and flamboyant air about you,no matter how uncharacteristic it may seem.

As a result of the happenings over quite some time,I now feel the same way about friendship,the same that I feel about love.Nothing but an 8 letter word.B******T.

Kal ho Naa Ho........

THIS IS NOT AT ALL FUNNY..ITS MY OBITUARY....

This is 21st December 2089 and we are here to celebrate(oops..commemorate) the death of prominent businessman and city big wig Mayank Lodha,who lived till the ripe old age of 99.He died in bed,in the arms of his 19 year old latest girlfriend who has been admitted in the local hospital,suffering from acute exhaustion after last night's encounter and would not be able to attend the funeral.He is survived by 2 sons,who are having difficulty in hiding the glee beneath their solemn looking faces and about a dozen other relatives he didn't ever give a shit about.None of his friends would make it to his final journey.Apparently,all of them are dead,some tortured to the painful ignominy by the deceased himself,who was literally a KILLER with his ultra boring talks and others,who died out of frustration about their dull sex lives.His neighbours remember him as a weirdo with a penchant for blasting loud music in the dead of the night,and are heartbroken to learn that their nights will now be silent bliss.His colleagues and subordinates at his very own"MayaCorp" have also collected to pay homage to whom they say,was an absent minded,inefficient and yet a so very confidently demanding and underpaying boss.His grand-daughter is saddened that she would not be able to defeat him any longer in a game of criss-cross.On rambling through his belongings and notes,we find that his teachers at school and college had found to be quite an engaging child and had gone on to describe how nerdy and insipid he really was.

His extremely personal closet was broken into in search of alleged diamonds or other treasures that the asshole had reportedly hidden and all we found was an after death wishlist instead.The contents of which are listed below:

1.A statue be erected by the MISERLY MARWARI SOCIETY in his honour,funds for which would be taken from his already underpaid staff.

2.His orkut status message to be changed to"Long Live Mayank"and a community of the same name,to be moderated by his lovely grand-daughter.

3.Distribution of absolutely new and fresh porn Cds across all IITs,alongwith a weeklong supply of booze.

4.His personal library be dismantled and all the books be donated to nerds like him,found in every nook and cranny one could venture into.

5. His precious T-shirts and jeans be burned with him,so that no one else would wear them.

6.He wants Eminem's grandson to prepare a rap song about him,and to be played during his last rites.

With this we conclude this obituary,remembering Mayank for the moron that he was.May his soul rest in Eternal Piss.