Growing Up with Cricket

                                                                    

For most young professionals like us, this lockdown has actually given us something that we have always craved - “The Gift of Time”. There is now time to pursue things you always wanted to – Read those books, connect with family and friends, cook those exotic dishes, watch those TV shows & movies etc etc.

However, as a slightly modified quote from the Bible says “The Lockdown giveth, but the lockdown also taketh away”. Being an introvert who actually loves being indoors, I ask myself – What do I feel I am missing the most, this lockdown. The answer comes in a flickering instant. I miss Cricket. Yes, you may argue that there are far more pressing problems that concern us right now and I fully agree, but hell I miss the beautiful game, playing out with all its drama and emotion in my living room.

It has now been almost two months without a live cricket match, which is ironic because we wait for these two months every single year. You think you’ll come back home from another mind-numbing day at work, settle down and tune in to the enjoy the non-stop, super entertaining and sometimes marriage threatening carnival of cricket, called the Indian Premier League. But instead, you wake up and feel somewhat numb and empty, on a Sunday morning.

However, Old YouTube clips are a saving grace and keep the flame burning. These videos take me down memory lane, and various stages of my life flash in my head, just like they show in the movies, for the moments before death. But in my case, they are weirdly interspersed with cricketing events.

Today, I travel back in time and relive what it was like, growing up with Indian Cricket.

Phase 1 : The Beginning of a life time romance

Boom, it’s 1996 and you are 6 years old. Your father tells you that the opening ceremony of the Wills Cricket World Cup has just begun. He narrates stories of how he was a batsman in his school cricket team, regales you with the legendary exploits Gavaskar & Kapil Dev to spike your interest in the tournament. Now he surely regrets it, as his son turns out to be a cricket crazy fanatic in the years ahead. Anyway, you hardly understand anything about the game but you soldier on, and yes, you find a hero. A boyish looking, curly haired hero with a squeaky voice and skill like no other, who ends up top scoring in that tournament. However, India loses in the semi-final against Sri Lanka - There are tears on the field and you also choke. Your father simply shrugs it off and gets back to work, but you are not able to get over it, and are upset for days on end.  Congratulations, you’ve suffered your first heartbreak, found your first hero, saw him in all his glory and vulnerability in a space of a few days. Your journey as a cricket fan has begun.

Phase 2 : Cricket is a Religion & Sachin is God ;

1998, You are now an 8-year-old geeky kid studying in Class 3 - You now begin to devour anything, and everything related to cricket now. You understand the game’s rules, the three skills and discuss with older cousins who humor you & your craze for the game, tease you saying that this kid even watches all the highlights. You read about your hero in Sportstar and Cricket Samrat and his poster from the magazine is your most prized possession. You watch every match you can. You shadow bat at home and throw plastic balls at the wall.  You roll your arm over in public places, trying to bowl out-swingers & in-cutters with a plastic ball. Standing in front of a mirror, you imagine the opposition needing six off the last over. The stadium is a cauldron. A hundred thousand fill the stands. Can you restrict the batsmen?

Your father keeps telling you to focus on your studies and not hope too much, but you keep getting upset when India loses, and they tend to actually lose a lot. It hurts you but you now love the game and your hero too much to let go. Your father has recently moved to a city far away for work. In the pre-digital, even pre-telecom era, you do not speak to him for days. There are financial troubles and you stare at an uncertain future.

Then suddenly, in those gloomy times, you witness a miracle. You find hope for India, and for yourself and your family through the #DesertStorm.

 There are some moments in sport that live on for posterity. These are moments that hold us captive and allow the creator of the moment to enshrine his place in our hearts forever. There are stories that feed the appetite of the romantics of the game, where a sportsman is at the peak of his powers to an extent that the lines between human and "God" become blurred. A certain Mr Tony Greig has gone absolutely ballistic in the commentary box screaming, “Sachin Tendulkar, what a wonderful player!” "The crowds are dancing in the isles in Sharjah". Well, a kid was dancing in Kolkata too. Until that point, the game is just something that you obsess about. Your hero unshackles your mind to the possibilities, makes you understand the game's place in your life, teaches you its significance. He gives it shape, adds meaning, wraps it in colorful paper and winds a ribbon around the packing, and makes it a religion for you.

Phase 3 : The Golden Era

1999 to 2003, You are entering your teens as Indian Cricket is ushering in a new era.

You move from Kolkata to a peaceful, quaint but small hill town called Haldwani, finally united with your father after almost 2 years. These are difficult days financially still, so there is no TV at home for the 1999 World Cup. It doesn’t hurt much reading in the newspapers that India is knocked out, as you are already mourning your hero’s father and admiring his courage and devotion. Things improve and the TV comes home in time for the 2001 Australia Series, where you discover that your hero is not alone in his crusade to bring glory to the country – We now have the Fab Four. You become Class Monitor in 6^th Standard and try to imbibe the leadership qualities of a tough as nails, bold, gutsy and confident captain who is not afraid of anything. He will remain a leadership benchmark for you even in the times to come, when it comes to supporting and standing up for your team in professional life.

There is Natwest 2002, where you’ve given up like you normally do once your hero is gone, and surprisingly it’s your mother who switches the TV on, to find two young guns playing a new type of ODI cricket. It is in this Golden Era, with the Fab Four & upcoming Gen Z, that the 2003 World Cup arrives. There is something different about your hero this time, as he is extra focused and even more punishingly attacking given that he has good support now. The next 10 days are some of the most joyous of your life. Those sixes off Caddick & Shoaib, those fours off Akram...you feel that the cup will be home soon.

Your family plans a quick trip to Vaishnodevi during the World Cup - Amidst chants of Jai Mata Di while climbing the hill top shrine, you hear devotees shouting “Jeetega Bhai Jeetega, India Jeetega” and it leaves permanent imprints on your memory, that cricket truly unites us.  You get your face painted, wear blue clothes as jerseys are a luxury and cheer for your team in the final. Hero holes out and poof goes the dream, you simply console yourself by believing that Ricky Ponting had a spring in his bat. Oh yes, in the meantime you have your first crush at school & start listening to romantic songs like every other teenager. But you’re a geek who feels uncomfortable talking to girls and this innocent dream goes bust too.

You learn how to deal with heartbreaks, that life is not smooth sailing and one does not always get what they want.

Phase 4:  The Captain Cool Era

2005 to 2008:  The pre-college years where you lay the foundation for your life ahead.

Science or Commerce? Kota or Delhi? To call her or simply continue sending text messages, which only get sporadic replies. These are the burning questions that occupy you now and life is going to change. Your parents gift you a radio, which you solely use to listen to cricket commentary while living away from home for the very first time, preparing for IIT-JEE in Kota. Life is now all about pulleys, integral calculus, unsolved assignments and cut-throat competition as you seek to change your life.

Even the game is changing drastically now with T20 on the horizon. A new, almost un-Indian fearless dasher emerges from the wilderness, who will define a new paradigm for leadership in the years to come. India loses to Bangladesh and gets knocked out of the World Cup and you too, fail your IIT-JEE entrance. However, your hero is still at it, obsessed with his craft and now an accumulator rather than a destroyer. Despite a lean patch, he says he must go on. He knows no other way.

Inspired, you also decide to take a risk and give IIT-JEE another shot despite relatives warning you not to. You throng the neighborhood tea stall, or even try to watch matches on the neighbor’s television from your terrace. Gen Z heroics give you unforgettable moments such as the six sixes, a World Cup win against Pakistan, led by Captain Cool’s last over gamble. Meanwhile you work harder than ever and finally make it to IIT Bombay. Your father is finally proud of you. You’ve learnt that dark days are inevitably followed by a new and bright dawn and that bold decisions do have a payoff, provided you give it your all.

Phase 5:  The Best Cricket Team, but an average fanboy.

College Life begins. You are overwhelmed with the sheer talent & drive of the people around you. You discover that Mechanical Engineering doesn’t really interest you, nor does English Premier League or Psychedelic Rock Music. You are among the handful who are unplaced after a month into placements. Your one-sided love story is also going nowhere. You just wait for engineering to end.

Your lows coincide with some lofty highs for Indian Cricket. Your hero discovers a second wind and conquers a peak no one had scaled before. 200 not out. Cricinfo crashes. While you remain average, your team becomes No. 1 in the World.  You watch each and every match of the 2011 World Cup. How can you not? You feel the relief when Yuvraj exults in victory against Australia erupt in absolute joy in IIT Bombay’s convocation hall with 5000 other students when “Dhoni finishes off in style”.

Mumbai goes bonkers and comes out on the streets and so do you. These are moments that you will cherish forever. Kohli raises your hero aloft and talks of his burden. He speaks for you. He understands how you feel. There are tears everywhere, including on your cheeks, as your hero finally gets what he has cherished for so long.

 You get your own moment soon, as you crack CAT and make it to IIM Lucknow. Even though you don’t know it at the time, you meet HER – Yes, the one, who is now my soulmate. This phase teaches you to believe in the power of dreaming big and above all , continuing to dream and not losing hope, come what may.

Phase 6: “Hero” gives way to the “King”

2013 to 2019 : MBA Life and Beyond.

You’ve done fairly well in B-School and will leave with happy memories and a well-paying job. Your life as a student is coming to an end, but being the youngest in your MBA Batch, you still feel like a kid.

Your hero announces his retirement. In that rude jolt of a moment you knew was coming, you realize that your childhood is finally over. You are abroad on Student Exchange and frantically arrange an illegal stream to bid him goodbye. The farewell speech feels like a funeral. You are bawling as you do not know what life will be without him taking guard, nodding his head and straight driving past the bowler for four.

You hate your job. You begin to care for little other than your pay-cheque. You switch jobs to a role you like, but which keeps you busier still. You get married and start to travel for work very frequently. You only manage to catch sly peeks at the scoreboard tab on CricBuzz while India make the semi finals in 2015 & 2016 World Cups but fail to win. It hardly affects you as Cricket doesn’t feel the same any more. Your father is sad, that his son no longer has the time to “watch and feel” Cricket.

A new group of fearless and extremely talented cricketers is now emerging, still led by Captain Cool, but is now clearly the “King’s” Team. He has become a colossal giant in these 3 years since hero’s retirement and you almost feel guilty for thinking that “Gosh, this guy is even better”. He helps you re-discover your love for Cricket, with his energy, passion and mind-boggling consistency.

The 2019 World Cup Arrives - You are in your notice period now, moving to a better job abroad soon and hence, have all the time in the world to watch cricket. Hitman brings you immense joy with his five centuries but fails in the semi final against NZ. You pray silently but Captain Cool is heartbreakingly run out. Your entire office, including colleagues, clients and office boys are depressed, once again reminding you how cricket unites us all. Your father surprises you again, by calling you to ask if you are okay.  You laugh feebly and remind him that you are not a kid anymore. But deep down, it rankles badly. You call in sick the next day and decide that cricket is not worth the high emotional investment.

Few months later, you hear about the Road Safety World Series. The adrenaline rushes back as you watch your hero and his clone roll back the years once again. The memories flow like Bira in a Gurgaon Brewery.

“You are a child again. A child who has grown up with Indian Cricket”

9 things I would love to read about in Sachin Tendulkar's Autobiography

After a long day at work, my Facebook timeline gave me a pleasant surprise.Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar is publishing his autobiography, to be released on November 6th, exactly 355 days after his retirement. Titled "Playing it my way", I hope the book is more than a glorious celebration of the career that this great man has had. For once , we would like to hear from Tendulkar, the human being and not Tendulkar, the stoic diplomat who has preferred to keep silent and always let his bat do the talking. In order to spice up the book, I would love him to tell the whole truth about these 10 things, even though he might be criticized for being silent all these years.

1. Match Fixing  It doesn't seem possible that with so much going on around him, he did not have a clue of all that happened in Indian cricket in the late 90's. It is unlikely that he was ever approached directly by a bookie or a player, no one would dare do that. However, these are stories that need to be told. and coming from a source as credible as Tendulkar would really help in unravelling this great mystery.

2. The Chappell Saga : The rarest of rare times that he has actually spoken about something in public was against Greg Chappell. But we would like to know more. His reluctance to bat at No. 4, Dravid being undermined as captain by a high-handed coach and all that happened before, during and after the 2007 World Cup

3. Ball Tampering in South Africa : He famously declined to speak about it in an interview with CNN in Feb.2010. The world would like to know what had happened behind the scenes in that tour, and how he felt after that allegation by Match Referee Mike Denness.

4. Monkey Gate : I doubt this will feature in the book, but a detailed account of what happened on the pitch between Bhajji and Andrew Symonds,and Tendulkar's own impressions about the elaborate and hostile hearing,is something that the nation deserves to know.

5. The Fab 5 : Tendulkar's friendship with Sourav Ganguly is well chronicled. But how did he get along with  the other custodians of Indian cricket, under whom they went from strength to strength. Sourav Ganguly,Rahul Dravid, VVS Laxman, Anil Kumble, Virender Sehwag : I would love to read some interesting anecdotes about Tendulkar's times with these immensely respected players.

5. The World Cups : From 1996 to 2011, He had always shone at all the World Cups. It would be interesting to know his views about Eden 1996 vs Sri Lanka, Bristol 1999 vs. Kenya, 2003's incredible journey to the finals ending in sadness and of course 2007's disaster.

6. The Lone Ranger and his lost battles : How did he feel when he couldn't take India over the line, after giving it his all. How did he feel being part of a one man army, and the feelings behind those so near yet so far losses at Chennai 1999 or at Hyderabad 2009 vs. Australia. What would go through his mind during those knocks. If I lose my wicket, we are doomed and yet it is me who has to score the runs. Double Jeopardy.

7. His failed Tryst with captaincy : The only blemish on an otherwise impeccable CV is his record as captain for India. Will he analyze why he failed as captain?What prompted him to take MS Dhoni's name for the captain post England 2007, and why did he not take it up himself?

8. His abrupt ODI retirement : I have been watching too much Crime Patrol and Adaalat lately, and hence I sense a conspiracy regarding his ODI retirement being forced by the BCCI and the Indian captain. Sach kya hai, Sachin

9. Friendship gone sour with Vinod Kambli : The best of budddies are not on talking terms at all anymore. Though at first glance, Vinod does come across as a temperamental wreck who would go on "Sach Ka Saamna" and chose to malign his friend, but one still can't help asking what did go wrong between the two of them.

Having already pre-ordered the book, I am waiting eagerly to get my hands on this one. Hope it's not typical Tendulkar- Sugar, Spice and Everything Nice.

IIM ke after effects !!!

On one of the most special days of my life, HDFC chairman Deepak Parekh, Chief guest at my convocation at the Indian Institute of Management-Lucknow, spoke about the various side effects of passing out of an IIM : People have a preconceived notion about you; You keep wondering whether you have landed the right job and thirdly ;You fall prey to the lure of too-much-too-soon.

After about two and a half months into my first job, I realize that it's not just other people, but IIM students themselves, who have a pre conceived notion about their lives post those hallowed two years. An average MBA student, say Raj (The SRK fan in me refuses to die) graduates from an IIM with a multitude of expectations, the least of which are all the materialistic aspects of a comfortable life. However, he soon realizes that the pre-conceived notions he has about his post IIM life are nothing but just pre-conceived notions. All of you must have read a number of books and watched movies about Raj's life at a B-School. Numerous books about life at IIT, IIM etc have been written, with almost the same content and a little bit of sex thrown in, and each one has sold like hot cakes. Ever wondered why??

It's because anyone, in the world outside would love to associate oneself with this elite that IIM's have become. Anyone would jump at the opportunity of getting rejected by 60 companies in a single day, and yet have the chance to sit for 100 more companies. These are chances that people usually do not get. Therefore, even though presented in a totally over the top manner and written in horrible English, these stories sell. However, unlike books, which end where the guy gets the girl, friends promise to keep in touch and where IIM ends, real life doesn't. It isn't "happily ever after". It is in fact a life full of meetings (read this word as "Place where no work happens"), 12-14 hour work days, MS Office (Believe me I feel like I am in a relationship with MS Excel and MS PowerPoint), early morning flights, incessant travel, sales targets etc. It is too humdrum and boring a life, for the story to be of any interest to anyone. And thus no one writes about it, or makes a movie about it.But I can sure blog about it.  This one is for the fresh set of Raj's and Simran's who will enlist themselves into corporate slavery, 7-8 months from now. 

1. Meetings are not College Lectures. Don't sleep in them for a minute  

I learnt this the hard way. In those years of attending lectures, I guess out body becomes auto tuned to getting distracted and feeling sleepy whenever a monologue is being delivered. One month into the job, my boss dragged me along to a meeting that had no relevance with the project I was doing. I treated it way Finance students treat HR lectures and went into my own dreamland. After around 1.5 hours of the marathon meeting, my boss nudges me says -" I hope you are preparing the notes. You have to share the "Minutes Of Meeting" note with everyone". Damn, WTF. With a Virat Kohli-esque expression of utter disgust on my face, I looked around for the familiar, first bencher ghissu, whose notes I always xeroxed and studied, the night before the exams.Sadly, no one was around.

2. Having sound vocabulary does not mean you have great communication skills 

Perfidious, Verbatim, Lackadaisically, Indemnified etc etc. Remember how hard it was to memorize these words and their meanings. Congratulations, you will never have to use them again. Actually, using such words might put off your colleagues because it will be treated as condescending attitude which we MBA’s from IIM are anyways stereotyped for. Sales guys will know that debating about FDI in retail among like minded people in a GD is one thing, explaining it to a small kirana shop owner in Tirunelvelli in his own vernacular is a completely different kettle of fish. “Needs improvement in Communication Skills” will remain in the Key Development Area list forever. Don’t get upset by it. 

3. No, girls will not fall for you because of your salary slip. Sadly, their parents will – You fell for it when they told you about it happening if you join IIT, then you thought it will happen at a top B school. If you fall for the myth the third time, I will have to call you a buffoon. No guys, it will NOT happen. Even if you try the audacious stunt where you email her your salary slip and apologize later saying it was meant for some HR of the same name. Unfortunately, their parents will fall for you. Get ready to endure compliments and adoring stares from all aunties the next time you go for a relative’s marriage.

4. You need to prepare well for presentations and even expected Q and A’s – Every MBA has a story to share about how he managed to give a presentation once where he saw the slides for the first time while presenting.An MBA professor will be impressed by the figures in the presentation but not expect you to convert those promises into actions. Unfortunately, bosses are not that co-operative. Clients are even worse. All numbers you show and even the Globe you generate in your overzealous enthusiasm in the Q&A’s will be held against you in the next review. So beware, before you make any promises.

5. You are not as valuable to the company as you think – Thanks to the presentations HR's give, Raj’s start to think that they are important and start disrespecting the organization criticizing the archaic systems and inefficient babus in place. The fact is that IIM’s produce 1000 identical Raj’s every year. A large proportion of them leave their first job in 2 years. That honest, loyal, hard working clerk who has been with the organization for 30 years is unique. Simple demand supply economics will tell you clearly, the importance of each one of you.

However, life is not all that bad. There are Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays too. Which I spend blogging, or as normal people call it, ranting out.

Indian Premier League ke side effects

The Indian Premier League is back again, and has so far been controversy free after the towel-gate revelation last year. All said about Sreesanth, I miss the dancing, crying, slapping and all the other histrionics he did, in the name of fast bowling. Anyways, like every year, the IPL has managed to catch the eye of the cricket crazy Indian audience, in more ways than one.

1. The Theme Song : How they do it, I have no idea. But they sure do it really well. My friends who are into marketing can really learn from the IPL. They make the most irritating songs (Read Jumping Jhapang and Come on, Bulava Aaya hai) and even more moronic dance videos with Sidhu twirling his moustache and Jadeja leaning on cheerleaders, and yet their songs are on everyone's lips. Including Yours truly. Hats off on this one.

2. The Advertisements : I am still not over the " Mujhe bhi jaana hai, papa" ad from last year by SBI home loans and this year, we have Hema Malini selling Kent water purifiers with RO and UV technology, in her bland voice which puts you off to sleep. To her credit, they are better than the election ads of the Congress with our dear RaGa striking random poses, or the 10000 BJP ads. Ab Ki Baar, Aur Mat Pakao Yaar.

3. The One who never shuts up : Undoubtedly, he is the Salman Khan of the commentary box. Like him, he never makes sense, says awesome catch-phrases and anecdotes and yes, dances like a buffoon who has had to hold his pee for quite a long time. However, he is funny at times, and does run a one man show. People like listening to him, and I guess he is here to stay.

4. The Experts : You had wished the world had ended before Sachin Tendulkar retired. But now, you wish the world had ended before Shoaib Akhtar (of the fake accent) was hired as a cricket expert. Ramiz Raza is biased, Ravi Shastri is cliched, yes but even they at least tried to talk cricket, rather than calling fellow commentators tharki. Ajay Jadeja, Chetan Sharma and Kiran More, the less said the better. Only, lone ranger Harsha Bhogle holds fort. We miss you Sunny Sir. You could have praised Tendulkar for sitting in the Mumbai dug out and be the total team man, and spared us this bull shit.

5. The Hindi Commentary : The fact that they do not talk sense, is something that is very well known. But this year, simple reporting of facts too, is beyond them. Very clearly, they look into the TV monitor while speaking. One can forgive innocent enthusiastic mistakes like " Shaandar shot ek run ke liye", " Hawa mein khel diya hai stadium se bahar, aur ye catch out" but how on earth am I expected to live with " Aur ye fir se 6 run, Oh nahi ye toh pichli gend ka replay dikhaya hai". Sigh.

You know you are in HEL(L) when

"Chal peene" are your favourite two words. So much so, that you say it every time you get screwed in a test or a presentation. Basically, everyday

In case you are an engineer, when you got admission your friends were most excited about the awesome DU girls you will get to meet.

You love to move about in IIM-L Tshirts, Sweat shirts etc. You have such a huge collection that you hardly have any other clothes.

In case you came into IIM-L single, you are still single.

If you were committed when you came to IIM-L, you are still committed but the object (guy/girl) has changed.

In the first year, you felt the whole Internet, infrastructure, mess and the entire system sucks. When you entered the second year, you realized that status quo is the best way to move forward.

You hate the PGP office with more vengeance than Thakur hated Gabbar or Harry hated Voldemort.

You have spammed more than once in your life. And have also shown disgust at somebody else’s spam.

You free-ride most of the time and yet bitch about other people in the group freeriding.

You are convinced that Not Just Tea's food is much better than GNB’s and GNB inflates canteen bills. Or Vice Versa.  Although there is no evidence to prove the same.

You realize some things need to be changed. But when they do, you create a furore and dare the person who changed them.

You have not seen the cover of most of the books of the subject you have already passed with a decent grade.

Your favourite game is “Candy Crush Saga".

You participate in every damn college competition. Even if it is an operations or an HR game and you are a hardcore finance person.

You do social work to build up CV points. In fact, you believe that the very reason for human existence is "collection of CV points”.

You are an absolute stud at Googling and can unearth reports from Scribd, Management Paradise etc on any topic without even batting an eyelid. Also, you know how to fool Turnitin.

You are terrified of QAM-3 even though you had aced the very same concepts during engineering.

Your most often visited websites are Wikipedia, SlideShare and Facebook.

You feel that Gupta Ji is the most important person on campus, particularly at the end of a gruelling week.

No matter how busy you are, you will definitely find time to read such silly attempts of your batch-mates.

.

Reviewnakam Chennai Express La

Ye movie dekhne ka baad hum sochti ki hum ye movie kyu dekhti. Isse achcha toh hum room pe download karke Twilight hi dekh leti. Movie mein kam se kam 5 times murder and yeleven times suicide karne ka mann karti. Ek time hoti jab Shahrukh typical loverboy role mein acha lagti. Kuch Kuch Hoti Hai, Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham La, Veer Zaaramma etc dekhne jaati toh shahrukh acha lagti aur hum uska fan ban jaati. Lekin vo apne star power ko misuse karti. Rab ne Bana di Jodi se Jab tak hai Jaan aur natural disaster Ra One mein vo typical constipated face banaati, arms outstretch karti aur overacting karti. Usko lagti ki audience chutiya hoti and ki uska star power se movie bina story ke hit ho jaati. Ye trend vo is fillim mein bhi continue karti. Vo poori movie mein apna funny endearing caricature banane ka koshish karti aur usko overdo karke sudience ko irritate karti. Hum kasam khaati peeti ki srk ka ab se koi movie nahi dekhti. Ab hum movie ka review degi. Isme spoiler hoti toh please toh isko vohi padhti jo dekhne nahi jaati aur paisa bachaati.

First thing's first, Chennai Express puraane Bollywood movies ka south Indian khichdi hoti ( rasam, payasam humko pata nahi hoti aur hum research karne ka effort bhi nahi karti). Jab We Met aur Dhai Akshar Prem ke ka plot mix karti. Movie shuru hoti jaha SRK finally apne aap ko 40 ka bataati lekin abhi bhi vo Rahul hoti. Uska dadaji ek number ka moron hoti kyunki vo Sachin ke 99 pe out hone pe ille ho jaati aur fir chutiyaap last wish bolti ki 50% ashes in Ganga and 50% in Rameshwaram mein immerse karti. Rohit Shetty death ko funnily treat karna chahti aur insensitive ho jaati jab vo SRK aur uske gay friends ko Goan holiday pe bhejti. SRK moral dilemma dikhaati toh einsteinamma logic milta ki goa ka paani eventually jaa ke rameshwaram mein milti. I hope mere urinal ka paani shahrukh ke muh dhone ka paani mein jaa ke mil jaati hum happy hoti.

Cut to Chennai Express la where Deepika periyathalai (DON) ka beti hoti jo ghar se bhaag jaati coz usko weird beard vaale giant milkman type Don se kalyanam nahi karna hoti. 4 heavy heavy gunda SRK ke Nokia Ad se irritate ho ke uska phone fek deti jo bohot achcha karti. Usko bhi fek deti toh aur mazza aati lekin Rohit Shetty aisa nahi karne deti. Vo ab Tamilians ko stereotype karti, Idli khilaati, train mein dirty lungi pehnaati lekin thoda thoda song sequence funny lagti. Deepika cute lagti aur vo movie ka wonly actor hoti jo movie ko bearable banaati. Also, SRK aur Shetty apne old movies ka fun udaati, jisko vo overdo karke kill kar deti. Anyways, SRK Deepika ko bachaana ka chakkar mein Komban pahuch jaati jaha Deepika bolti he is my lover and Father Naariyal cutter nikaalta aur fighting match rakh deta. Dher saara stupidity hota, Unbearable songs bajta jisme SRK aur slutty item girl loud dance karte and surprisingly jo never before hota in Bollywood, in the end, hero heroine ko naatak karte karte real mein pyaar ho jaati. Awwwwwwwwwww.
End mein SRK thoda maarti thoda maar khaati ek lecture deti aur yellow dhoti vaala DON khush ho ke smile deti. Beech mein vo DDLJ style mein Deepika ka haath bhi pakadti but Tamil mein "Jaa lee apni Zindagi nahi bolti"

Also, Rohit Shetty tum itna car kyun udaati. Tumko pata hai car kitna mehenga hoti. Log life ka saving kar ke car khareedti aur tum apna har movie mein car udaati aur bomb kar deti. Aur 70% movie ko tum Tamil mein kyu banaati. Humaara hair nochne ko mann karti. Hum ille pille sunne ko nahi aati. Kabhi kabhi okay lagti but limit ho jaati.
Movie ke end mein Rajni Sir ko tribute hoti jo humko mockery lagti kyunki Coconut mein lassi milaa ke sirf SRK jaisa chutiyappam hi pee sakti.

How to run a government in India : What to do and When

With the heat building up for the Great Indian Tamasha- General Elections 2014, I thought I could do a politically inclined post. In the last 10 years of the UPA government, we have learnt a lot of things, the most important learning being that of "How to Cling on to Power and handle contingencies". Folks, This is How you do it.

Situation #1: Opposition leader trying to do something good.

What to say:

1. He is acting against larger national and secular interest.
2. Bring up the 1993 and 2002 riots in all speeches and link everything he does, to some anti-national and     communal conspiracy.

3. This is against the culture of our great nation/ This is not how things are done in this country/ This is         against the vision of our great leader Rajiv Gandhi.

What to do:1. Employ the media to run after him like hounds and try to catch each and every slip he makes during his speeches. Exaggerate and dramatize the controversial remarks while chosing to ignore issues regarding governance.
2. Portray him as the evil incarnate of Hitler+Napoleon+Stalin+PGP office combined.
3. Appoint intellectuals like Digvijay Singh, Manish Tewari as spokespersons and enjoy the gobar slinging between your party and the other.
4. Send your young incompetent and dim witted buffoon of a leader to make big speeches and feed nothing but empty glorious dreams to people.
 
Situation #2 : Terrorist Attack.

What to say:1. We condemn this attack. It is an inhuman act of cowardice and we are united in condemning it.
2. We have declared Red Alert across the country and investigation is going on.       
3. It was a clear case of Intelligence failure and opposition party is responsible for that failure.
4. In the previous government, there were more number of people dying in terrorist attacks than our government. Hence the country is now safer. Thoda bahut toh chalta hai.

What to do:
1. Release statements such as " Thik Hai" and " We salute the spirit of this city"
2. Announce compensation for the dead and injured and siphon the allotted funds somewhere.
3. Put out unrecognisable sketches and keep saying that the police is doing their job.
4. Invite Hina Rabbani Khar to India or send either Salman Khurshid or S.M Krishna type people overseas.
5. This is the most important. Stop playing cricket against Pakistan.

Situation #3:  Corruption and Scams

What to say:

1. All allegations are baseless, untrue and politically motivated.
2. We have full faith in the country's judiciary and the law will take its own course.
3. Mr ABC was acting on his own and party/government had nothing to do with it.
4. Mr ABC is being made a scapegoat. Bring up coffin scam and other scams during previous government to achieve moral high ground.

What to do:

1. Do nothing. Ignore it.
2. Employ Delhi Police and CBI into investigating Sreesanth and Vindu Dara Singh's girlfriends and porn infested hard drives.
3. Hope for a rape or two in the global rape capital so that people start protesting and forget about the scam.Employ even more Police to calm the protests. Do nothing about the rape either.
4. Hope for Sachin Tendulkar to announce retirement.
5. Tell CBI to do investigation in super slow motion.
6. Blame CAG, Swiss Banks, Arvind Kejriwal, other political parties and sack a couple of people to keep them away from the spotlight.

Situation #4 : Fucked up economy, Rising Prices, Fuel Price Hike etc

What to say:
1. Quote bullshit study and say that most of India earns more than Rs 32 a day and hence no one is poor.
2. In the long run, prices will definitely come down and markets will stabilize.
3. The country's financial machinery is well equipped to handle the situation. We are not as affected by the global economic conditions as compared to other countries.
4. Do not forget that India is a growth story and we used to grow at 9% GDP only a while back.

What to do:1. Ask RBI to pull some magic. Tell them to increase/decrease and play with interest rates. If situation doesn't improve, one can always say that the RBI's actions were not sufficient/ RBI delayed in acting/ RBI is an RSS agent.
2. Get someone Harvard professor or hotshot corporate bigwig to give economics gyaan on TV.
3. Increase prices of petrol and roll it back after two days, shifting the focus to coalition pressures.
4. Release advertisements such as "EMI hua kam, Ghumne chale hum" and " India Shining" etc to make people nauseatic,irritated,amused and delirious at the same time. This surge of multiple emotions will render them incapable of processing information.
5. Ask people to pee in dams to increase flow of water in rivers so that our agrarian economic growth is somehow salvaged. Tell people to ride cycle or plain and simply Fuck off if they protest against petrol prices.

And that my friends, is how to run a goverment in India.          

How to make an Awesome PPT

Well, after a year of making all sorts of presentations in B-School and a summer internship, I have discovered the Raam-Baan/ Gurumantra of making ppts. Presentations have ranged from ones requiring extensive preparation to data intensive to full of globe to impromptu to Q&A based to my favourite one- Where you involve the audience in the "discussion", not because you want to, but because there isn't enough content on the god damn slides. 

The idea to make a good presentation is to keep it simple, clean and in bullet points.However, the art of making a great ppt lies in impressing upon the audience that you have greater knowledge of the subject that is being discussed. For this absolute knowledge about the audience is of paramount importance. Your professor is generally a workaholic, sleep deprived gentleman with a keen eye for detail. It’s important to exploit all the above weaknesses to create a classy presentation designed to kill. We now move on to a dossier on How to make the best ppts.

1. If you are a pretty girl or your group has one, start with a deliberate technical glitch which looks genuine. For example take a random .swf file to a place where you are absolutely sure that no flash player is in sight. The teary eyed female would arouse sympathy. 

PS : In case you are an ugly fat male, do not even try this stunt. You would arouse extreme anger instead of sympathy and your presentation is ruined at the first instance

2. Take a note pad with you. The notepad would basically have gibberish but it should seem you have made presentation notes based on some brilliant research. Insist that the light be kept open so that you can read it out. This would also ensure that you can put random crap on your slides as they would not be visible properly.

3. Remember this. Cluttered ppt is an Awesome ppt. Because the inflated B-School ego will make sure that no one admits that they did not understand your ppt. Make the first slide as cluttered as possible. Put all kinds of smart art, weird figures and random charts copy pasted. Refer all of the material. Curve arrows going from top to bottom work best to confuse the tired mind of the evaluator and would put him off to sleep. 

4. The second slide should only have figures. You can copy paste the balance sheet of the biggest company which is remotely associated with your topic. If you are the king of the free-riders, you can also put random data like CIP = 100% which is loosely interpreted as Chutiyaap in this presentation is equal to 100%. 

5. Never ever mention any word that is remotely linked to the subject expertise of the evaluator. These sex deprived workaholic’s only get orgasms after listening to such things and would rape you within the next two minutes. 

6. Keep a stop watch to repeat the following lines religiously after every 90 seconds – 

• For Marketing ppts – “Providing customer value is the most important. Customer is the king”

• For Finance ppts – “Providing shareholder value is the most important. Shareholder is the king”

• For HR ppts – “Providing people value is the most important.  People are the king”

• For Consulting ppts – “We did a thorough analysis. Consultant is the king. ”

7. Give 3-4 random solutions to the problem that was given.. Find out (Google) exactly the same number of advantages and disadvantages to all. No less no more. In case your audience was not confused before, they will surely be brainfucked now and that's awesome.

8. After sufficiently confusing the audience, open the forum for questions. Only one question would arise “So what is your final recommendation”. Pick any one, state its advantage and then say but in case (Now return to point 7 and get into an infinite loop). 

Ciao :D

Why to be a Pune Warriors Supporter in this IPL

IPL Season 6 has accomplished the difficult task of becoming an even more irritating television spectacle than the previous versions with the "Nayi Soch Award" , Farah Khan's extremely moronic dance Step along with Mr Danny Morrison and Navjot Singh Sidhu carrying on with their insightful commentary.However, Pune Warriors have been a serious disappointment for the 3rd year running. Here is my $0.02 on why one should still support them, come what may:

1. When you look at Ashok Dinda, with the headband and ridiculous delivery leap and all, you realize that no matter if a billion people think that you are completely useless, there is always that special someone who will still value you at INR 2 crore. At your lowest ebb, you will take heart from the fact and believe that "Life is all about finding that special someone".

2. Such things help you empathize and learn from the Zimbabwean and Bangladeshi Cricket fans who have been going through the same feelings for the past 20 years. If nothing else, supporting Pune will make you a better person. It may also prepare you for the times when our own cricket team goes abroad to get blanked out by South Africa, England etc.

3. You can always put up funny status messages about any Pune player and even Pune fans are bound to like them because most of them would be on Facebook rather than bear the pain of watching the match.

4. A loser team always helps you appreciate the performance of the winning team better. In the end after all, "Cricket is the Winner". You can follow average cricketers like Saurabh Tiwary, Ashok Menaria, Mayank Agarwal, Mithun Manhas etc and when even they start looking good just because they are playing against Pune, you will be rest assured that the future of Indian cricket is in good hands.

5. They beat the team to beat this year. CSK. Yeah, for some reason I hate them. We are kings, Whistle Podu, Yenna Rascala. Fans bloody behave as if Dhoni eats rasam at their house every night for dinner. And Pune did beat them. If not anyone else.

6. They are the only team who totally believes in the philosophy of their owners- The Sahara Group, which is to Take the money home and not bother about performance,giving returns to your investors and such crap. Such devotion and dedication to your owners deserves immense appreciation.

7. The matches get so unbearable that you begin to look for inspiration elsewhere. You read the IF poem by Rudyard Kipling, the poem about the Spartans and the 600 vaali army from Blind Side.You read about Oskar Schindler, Irom Sharmila etc.What did the others get-Their team won and they finished their pizza and slept. You, on the other hand were inspired and more prepared for the bigger things in life.

8. After two years, all people will remember is the winner of the IPL ,that is CSK. No one cares about who came second or 5th etc. So, for the other 8 teams, this IPL will be as meaningless as the Pune Warriors.We fans will not have to needlessly suffer the agony of losing out on a playoff berth due to an umpiring error or losing a close final. We can enjoy the dancing cheerleaders (of the other team), Page 3 celebs, Karishma Kotak. Preity Zinta and all that is to like about the IPL.

9. This one is for the girls. They may not be setting the house on fire with their performance but they have more than a few good looking guys in their ranks e.g Steve Smith, Aaron Finch, Mitchell Marsh, Luke Wright etc. The girls who do not understand cricket but are made to bear it because of their over enthusiastic boyfriends, you have some serious eye candy.

10. Most importantly, Pune fans can get on with their lives, pursue their hobbies and interests which are not even remotely related to cricket. They can stop being a part of the crass IPL bandwagon and do meaningful things in their life. So in case you have a girlfriend, it is time to concentrate on her because immediately after the IPL , there is the Champions Trophy and then there is the South Africa tour, New Zealand tour etc. Now is the time. Who knows when Sachin might retire and you may go in to depression for a year or two.

11. Everyone supports Manchester United. You can be the cool one by supporting say Hull City or Wigan. Life's monotony sometimes is irritating. One could do with a few pleasant and unexpected surprises such as a Pune Warriors victory. For an MI or CSK fan, roz ki baat hai. It's only us who will know the true intrinsic value of something, and that will help us in our investment banking careers.

12. Risk free strategy. If tomorrow, the tin roof falls over the IPL and all cricket boards say that we want to recall our foreign players, other teams will run for their asses and be screwed left and right. But with the quality of international players that Pune has, No board wants them to play for their country. What hindsight, dude.

13. Corporate Social Responsibility and Philanthropy is what every company wants to focus on, but that is being practiced only by the Sahara Group, who have purchased poor SL players like Angelo Matthews and Ajantha Mendis because their board is not paying them, Aaron Finch, Mitchell Marsh and Steve Smith because their board is not picking them and of course awesomely talented Indian players like Udit Birla, Dheeraj Jadhav, Krishnakant Upadhyay etc. Itne daanveer owner hai koi aur, Batao.

Pune Warriors could be very well on the path to creating history, albeit of a different kind. We as Pune fans must be proud about what we are going to endure for the next few years. It will help us become mentally stronger and survive the cut throat corporate competition that we will soon be exposed to.

ODI Cricket Bids Adieu

Following the retirement of Sachin Tendulkar, Cricket has also decided to end its foray in the limited over format with immediate effect. “I have decided to retire from the One Day format because now it serves no real purpose, given that Tendulkar will not be playing. However, I will continue playing Test Cricket to prepare for the all-important IPL”-It said in a statement read out by BCCI Vice President Rajiv Shukla, who also added that the decision was made under no pressure whatsoever.

“I began my journey in the 1970’s, the same era when HE was born. Back then, people like Sunil Gavaskar, Ravi Shastri and Geoffrey Boycott used to bore crowds and put people to sleep by playing over after over and I wondered what my purpose was. It was only when he started playing that I discovered myself. And Yayyy, I even got people playing me in coloured uniforms, even though I never liked the Australian Yellow or the ridiculously red West Indian uniform. But to heck with all of that, I was the in thing and life was exciting, thanks to HIM and his exploits on the field. As against paan chewing office babus and enthusiastic young boys, even girls now came in throngs to watch me. How I blushed when they said they were “Cricket” lovers. Sigh, those were the days.

Like millions in his country, HE filled me with great joy when he went berserk against the yellow yellow dirty fellow Australians in Sharjah. HE also chose to save his best for me and my premier tournament-The World Cup, with all those centuries and memorable innings. But somehow, I kept eluding him. I will never forget the pride and gratefulness I felt when everyone dedicated India’s victory in my 2011 World Cup to HIM. Whom will India now dedicate its rare victories to, now that he is gone. Whom will they play world cups for. Virat Kohli, Who always keeps on abusing me, despite the fame I have given him or M.S Dhoni, who is too fixated with pitches and curators to think about improving his skills to play me better. Since yesterday, I am having bad dreams where Ravindra Jadeja and Piyush Chawla’s performances are being applauded and cheered. Moreover I also heard that Raju from Faridabad, Pappu from Bhopal and even Rosy from Mumbai will never watch me again. I will be played in empty stadiums and they will have to show players scratching their crotches as there will be no advertisements. Only DD-1 will telecast my matches because no one watches it anyways. No, I would rather face an honourable death of my own choosing than be insulted like that.

I would like to give my best to my older cousin, Test Cricket and my foster brother, the IPL who are yet lucky to be graced by his presence while I rot alone. Shahid Afridi has suggested that the first retirement is no fun and that I should take at least 17 retirements before ending my career. But no yaar, I shall come back only when God’s own son, Arjun Tendulkar decides to choose me as a career.

Thank you for all the good times, GOD

Sincerely, ODI Cricket.

The CineMagic of Barfi

It has been a good three days since I watched the movie. However these lines spoken by Ileana's character Shruti still ring in my years and that for me is the essence of the movie. That true love is that which is unplanned, out beyond the ideas of right and wrong doing, just a pure impulse of the heart, not at all premeditated or blemished by worldliness.

Barfi is sweetness, Barfi is cuteness, It is Chaplinesque innocence. It is silent yet colourful, It is so full of love, yet so tragic and heartbreaking. It is refreshingly funny, not at all sappy yet sentimental. Throughout the two and a half hours, you experience emotions ranging from pure delight to utter dismay to my favourite "Awwwww and Hawwww" moments, but not even for a fleeting moment does that smile leave your face ever since effervescent Ranbir Kapoor appears on the screen and engages the Police in a goose chase across the bylanes of Calcutta, recreated to timeless perfection. Even if you are the most cynical prick in the whole wide world, the movie does a commendable job of giving you hope and positivity!!!

The one thing that stands out for me about the movie is the very niche and never overtly sentimental treatment of Ranbir's disability which is clear from the funny yet tragic opening song whose lyrics go something like this "Radio on Hua, Amma off hui,Munna Mute hi Aansu Bahaaye".The initial portions—in which we see young love bloom between Shruti and Barfi—do try to steer clear of mawkishness and sympathy, managing to make us believe in an initially reluctant Shruti becoming gradually smitten by Barfi’s wordless charm and ability to make everyone smile.

However, Shruti goes ahead with the pragmatic and safe choice by marrying a suitable boy, although she is never able to forget Barfi for the next 6 years, and even beyond. The scene where Barfi realizes in the midst of throbbing rain, that he is not good enough to be with the girl he loves, there was not a dry eye in the theater.

When Priyanka Chopra's adorable autistic character, Jhilmil enters the movie,it picks up its pace and gets more interesting. In order to get his father's ailing kidney operated, Barfi attempts to rob a bank and fails at it with a hilarity beyond bounds. When he decides he will kidnap Jhilmil, the movie transgresses into a different plane altogether. Priyanka Chopra plays the autistic kid with such alacrity that it is achingly beautiful to look at her face, so often placed in Close Up. The relationship between her and Ranbir develops slowly where Ranbir evolves from a protective simpleton to a crazy die hard romantic who would tirelessly throw a shoe high up in the air, again and again, because he knows that she will see it, and he will go back to her. And yes, He does.

The model of true love in Barfi is actually the relationship between Barfi and the autistic Jhilmil. To the non-disabled, ‘normal’ Shruti, now the outsider in their wordless world, it is the only love that lives up to her childish vision of her grandparents, who lived together for ever and then died a day apart. But childish is the operative word here. The relationship between Barfi and Jhilmil may well be unplanned, spontaneous and untainted. But it is also uninhibited by the invariable crisscrossing of mutual expectations, or the occasional messiness of egos, or the essential frisson of desire. It is devoid, by its very nature, of any of the elements of real-life love as most people experience it. I ask myself, Is it actually pure love or pure fantasy??

The movie is a treasure trove of magic moments, right from Barfi offering his invisible heart to Shruti to that fleeting kiss between the two. The sequences where he tries to handle his heartbreak and also cope with his father’s illness, all so silently still give me goose-bumps. Barfi and Jhilmil’s intertwined little fingers as they sleep, gawky and open mouthed, when she chases him shouting his name and he can’t hear her, and then when the play around near that mound with the flashing mirrors and then fans him like a dutiful wife as he eats, or tries to copy the elegant Shruti by wearing a Saree, it leaves you with a taste that just melts in your mouth.

Pritam gives you some really soul searching music and a very subtle background score, which further places the film in an alternate universe. Silences seldom spoke so eloquently. It's been a while since we saw a film that set style at a subsidiary state to substance , put the characters' inner life ahead of the flamboyant manifestations of self-identity in a world governed sometimes by fake charm. 

It makes you wish that there was someone sitting beside you, to share and fight for that popcorn and laugh whole heartedly with you during those awesome comic sequences. You wish you could intertwine your little finger and hold each other’s hand like Jhilmil and Barfi and keep sitting like that forever. And Smile. Or better still, just keep looking at her smile. When you get lost a few times, you wish there was someone to bring you back from the trance that the movie creates. And then you get lost in something else altogether and move from one beautiful trance to another. And smile.
Finally, this is for you. When Shruti says that Barfi taught him that“Life mein sabse bada risk hota hai kabhi koi risk na lena”,It gave a very clear message. So let’s just risk it J J

The movie is beautiful,funny and heartbreaking.Go watch 

The Girl with the Red Umbrella

The rain steadily fell down from the darkened night sky on top of the city.The streets were covered in a sea of umbrellas, people streaming down the sidewalks in a rush to hurry back to dry and warm homes.Businesses were closing for the night, the only lights remaining coming from streetlights, bars & cafes.On one street, cars honked as the pedestrians flowed across the street, rushing to get to the other side, splashing puddles as they moved across the intersection.Amidst the dull colors of the night, a bright red umbrella just lay on the road,twirling in the wind,raindrops splattering from its canvass.It just shone on the road,like it was meant to be there,all by itself and the thronging crowd just passes it by.

He is walking at a brisk pace,wiping off rain beads off his forehead and adjusting his spectacles from time to time..The muffler he is wearing is completely wet and it's only the jacket that is shielding him from the spiteful wetness and the biting cold that it brings."Damn this unseasonal rain"-He mutters under his breath,clenches his jaw tight again and continues walking in the direction of a little-known, hole-in-the-wall cafe simply known as “Eternal”.It had been around for many decades, simply blending into the ever-evolving structures as the city expanded further into the skies.After a long and hard day at work,he used to go there every single day.It relaxed him.They played his favourite John Lennon and Pink Floyd songs and he just sat there,head thrown back against the couch,soaking everything in.In these moments of solitude,as is natural,his mind used to wander into the past.In his college days,he was a poet and so thinking long and hard and quietly came to him like a duck in water.He never really spoke much,just a flick of the hands to signal the waiter and two words "The Usual".His Caramel Coffee,warm and frothy would be presented and he would be relieved at the lack of social interaction henceforth.

One of the few remaining buildings of the past, it stood as a symbol of what once was a time of simplicity and enjoyment in the city.He took a deep breathe, inhaling the scents as they wrapped around him, drawing him into the building.The lights were dim, the mood was mellow, and the air was filled with warmth,quite different from the cold and frantic wet weather outside.

He had noticed the umbrella on the road and it had struck a chord in his heart somewhere.He felt like the umbrella itself,people oblivious of his existence.It wasn't as if he was unwanted,but there was this constant pinch inside him,that he is invisible.Just like the umbrella.However,that wasn't the reason he was lost tonight.

The song that played in the background also added to the thoughts and memories that played in his head.It happens,doesn't it.Sometimes each and every word,each and every thing around you,begins to make sense.Infact,sometimes it made a little too much sense.

"In all honesty, 

I wanna love like that.

With someone to lay my head on when it feels

like the weight of the world

rests all on my shoulders,

To vent to when the stress gets

to be too much, only to collapse

in her arms when all is said & done"

The song breaks and he is suddenly broken out of his trance.It's almost as if somebody shook him up and blew life into him again.In an awkward jiffy,he woke up,signalled to the waiter that he had paid his check and walked out.15 seconds.That's all it took for him to vanish.

He rushes home,now wet from head to toe,the drops dripping from his brow on the carpet and on the floor..His muddy shoes are cast aside and he switches the lights of his one room apartment.It is all familiar now.He begins to calm down.He can no longer be the careless brat he once was,even if he tried to,and so he changes into dry clothes,wipes his head with his mickey mouse towel that people in the apartment across gape and guffaw at,when he shaves in the balcony.He remembers his promises of taking care of himself,and only then,he goes back to his  thoughts...The Diary..Yes,he flutters across its pages,which are now yellow and pale..

The Date is of 6 years ago,18th August,2006.

"I remember the day I met you. It was raining; raining hard. It was sometime in April. I don't remember the day, but I remember how I felt; how I felt when I first saw you. You were standing at the corner of Mr Mehta's drugstore; with a red umbrella, sandals, black garbage bag. And you were smiling all to yourself. There wasn't anyone else around. It wasn't like I've never seen a beautiful girl before. Heck. It was just that I've never seen anyone so beautiful to make me feel like crying and laughing and dancing all at once. I didn't know exactly how, but my body drifted to your side. I got pulled into your orbit and I couldn't resist even if I wanted to. You must have thought I was crazy; me in front of you, drenched to my core; Standing there staring; not knowing what to say; but just staring at you under your gorgeous red umbrella. Long open hair,fluttering in the wind,copper coloured eyes, the dimple on your cheeks and chin as you just continued smiling. But you smile at me and I come back to earth. "Hi". You say "Hi". And then it's like I know you. Like I've always known you. The bag is tinging, clanging, rustling against your leg. You give me a little peak at all the aluminum cans you collected. There must have been at least forty, maybe 50. Then I ask you why you need all the cans for. "My masterpiece" you tell me. You say you're an artist. I ask you what kind. "The kind who makes art". Your laughter makes my chest ache. Not in a bad way; just because I want you so badly. I wanted you to know me, to go places with me; I wanted to stay at that corner with you. You tell me it was nice talking to me and you gotta get going. I'm sinking as you turn away from me. Sinking into myself; hopelessly immersed in you. Please don't go.My voice is lost, but found in time to say "Wait!" I call to you. You turn again towards me. I introduce myself; tell you my name; and I hated myself for stuttering. I tell you that I needed to see you again. Needed to. You tell me your name is Aarohi. From that moment I knew no name would ever sound so pretty to me as yours does. I knew I loved the girl with the Red umbrella.

Signing off

Krish"

How to become an Engineer,Peace Maar ke

Having almost completed my "super succesful" B.Tech Degree in Mechanical Engineering without any major mishaps,I feel the urge to do what every "nice,goody two shoes and thinks too much of himself despite being a moron" senior does.I want to pass on the baton of knowledge that I have acquired during my four year stay at IIT.
Unfortunately, with an expertise of lazying around,sleeping and freeriding,I don’t have any real gyaan to pass on.The only thing in which I have complete expertise is "peace maarna" .This post will hence do a lot of good to people who cannot delegate work properly,cannot procrastinate or just sleep through or wade through most things and unfortunately end up doing almost all work themselves.I hope it changes a few lives.

Few pointers about "peace maarna/lukkhe rehna" 
1. Since you have managed to find time to read this, you have the basic ingredients of being a good lazy good for nothing bum who always has time to kill,despite the rest of the department fretting over quizzes and assignments.
2. Remember great procrastinators,delegators and freeriders are never accused of being like that. If somebody starts accusing you of being one, eventually your luck will run out and you would have to start working. 
3. Whenever you get a chance accuse others of being lazy.This creates a false impression that you are working hard.
4. Free riders need to have great interpersonal skills and brilliant communications skills. It also completely kills their ego. So don’t be embarrassed – Freeriding helps you in improving your personality. 
5. Trust your teammates. This is the most important ingredient in forming any team. Trust them to do good quality work which would ensure good marks for you. Without trust you will have the unnecessary urge of cross checking, revising the work which would lead to waste of your valuable energy and resources. 
6. Be aware at all times,about lazy professors who do not take attendance or give the same paper during exams.Take only their courses as electives and sleep for the whole semester.
7.Try and sit around the most sincere guy in class,whenever you attend so that he keeps a seat for you when there is a surprise quiz.
8.Also try to be as shameless and fearless as you can,because sometimes you will need to copy right under the professor's nose and only practice needs to a nonchalance in that field.
9.Never try to understand what you are copying in your assignments or quizzes.It wastes time and creates unnecessary panic.
10.If you do not understand symbols,notations,words or numbers due to the other person's handwriting or complete blank mindedness in the subject,Just think of yourself as a photocopying machine,and just create similar shapes on your sheet.
11. Be present on the first day of the class. This is the day the attendance policy,the prof's chillness and the course content (Bahh..Yawn) is foretold.This helps in forming strategy for the kind of approach a course is to be dealt with.
12. Indulge in a conversation before the class on the lines of how important the subject is and how much you want to study the subject. This will create an impression that you are really looking forward to study the subject. 
13.Groups are generally formed for projects and assignment.Don't make groups in your wing.They know you and can come to your room and make you work.Select sincere group members from other hostels.
14. In the most ideal situation,Project yourself such that you are the only one who is very comfortable talking to all people in the group. This will effectively make you the CEO of the group. And as you know in a team CEO works the least.
15. If you are able to find a group where a geeky guy wants to impress a girl, Boss you just won a lottery. NEVER leave such a group (Should i explain more :-))This is precisely the reason one should be aware about all the gossip going around in class. Hence, Free riding also improves your general knowledge. 
16. Start a chain mail 4-5 days before the final deadline asking the group to start contributing on the topic. Trust me, nobody is going to reply to the mail for the next 2 days. At the end of the two days, send a mail abusing the entire group of lack of seriousness.
17. If your image has taken slight hit,google the topic and copy paste the first 2 links and send in the mail. Nobody is going to bother to check the source, and would feel you are really doing some work. 
18. Ego massage the hardest working person in the group. Generally, this is the breed of people who need an outlet to talk. Be that outlet. Tell them how you are the only one working on the project in the other course that you have.Show concern, tell them how much you want to help them but how helpless you are because of the useless group you have in the other subject. 
19.For labs,Never attempt to understand experiments.Despite everything you do or do not do,You will anyway get a grade of 8,9 or 10 if you are okayishly smart and build a good rapport with the TA's.
20.Restrict your studying for Endsems to quizzes,past quizzes,assignments,tutorials.Do not care about all the theory junk because "Engineering is all about solving problems".
21.Be active on the Department Google group and keep asking questions regarding syllabus etc,so that you just go to the muggu before exams and tell him "Mujhe ye topic samajh nahi aa raha".Trust me,they will help you because it is their duty to be of service to mankind.Plus they get really pissed if you go and say "Solid Mechanics padha de"